Post your jokes and humor here.
- Thread starter Voodooo
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Lineslinger
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texasSlick
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Johnson dies and finds himself in Heaven, but rather than a pearly gate, he finds he is at a large check in desk, as at a 5 star hotel. Soon a clerk appears.
CLERK: Ah! Mr. Johnson, we have been expecting you. Welcome to Heaven.
The clerk puts a huge book upon the counter and begins thumbing thru it.
CLERK: Ah, ji, ... Jo, ... Ah! Johnson, here we are! ...... Oh my, my Mr Johnson, what an exemplary life you've led! Good deed! Good deed!
Clerk flipping pages.... Good deed! Good deed, flipping more pages .... Good deed!
After flipping more pages, the clerk's face gets a .look of concern.
JOHNSON: Something wrong?
CLERK: Sins! Mr Johnson! You have NO SINS!
JOHNSON: I thought that was the object.
CLERK: Object yes, to achieve it, no! We only have ONE here with no sins! TWO would upset a big Apple cart, if you know what I mean.
JOHNSON: Are you going to send me to the other place?
CLERK: OH no, they would laugh you out of there and send you back here. But I will have to check with my Supervisor. Wait here Mr Johnson, I'll be back in a few minutes.
JOHNSON: OH sure, wait here....where would I go?
After a few minutes, the clerk returns
CLERK: Well Mr Johnson, I think we have it worked out. We are going to send you back.
JOHNSON: Back?
CLERK: Back to life. For six hours, but on one condition, you have to commit at least one sin. Can you do that, Mr Johnson?
JOHNSON; Well, I, er, ah, um,....yeah.
And with that Johnson wakes up in his bed, and notes the time on the clock.
JOHNSON: Six hours! Commit a sin. What will I do? Rob a bank..... I can't do that, I don't know anything about safe cracking. I'll hold up a convenience store ..... I can't do that ....I don't have a gun. Then Johnson remembers that sex outside of marriage is a sin, and thinks of the widow lady in a nearby apartment. He resolves to hit on her, gets dressed and heads to her apartment, keeping an eye on the time, then knocks on her door.
WIDOW LADY; Mr Johnson! We heard you were ill, and close to death!
JOHNSON: No ma'am, I am alive and well and raring to go, if you know what I mean.
WIDOW LADY; I believe I do, please come in. She then locked the door behind Johnson.
It only took 15 minutes before they were in the sack. Johnson resolved he was going to make this Sin a big one and would use up nearly all the remaining time sinning. Johnson gave the Widow lady multiple orgasms, the orgasms came closer together, and then became one long continuous orgasm, until the Widow lady was giddy with delight ... in short, she was f##ked silly.
Johnson wrapped it up 15 minutes before his deadline, got dressed, bid the Widow lady goodbye, and proceeded to let himself out.as Johnson hit the door, the Widow lady said,
"Mr Johnson, you must come back, for you have done me a good deed today!"
CLERK: Ah! Mr. Johnson, we have been expecting you. Welcome to Heaven.
The clerk puts a huge book upon the counter and begins thumbing thru it.
CLERK: Ah, ji, ... Jo, ... Ah! Johnson, here we are! ...... Oh my, my Mr Johnson, what an exemplary life you've led! Good deed! Good deed!
Clerk flipping pages.... Good deed! Good deed, flipping more pages .... Good deed!
After flipping more pages, the clerk's face gets a .look of concern.
JOHNSON: Something wrong?
CLERK: Sins! Mr Johnson! You have NO SINS!
JOHNSON: I thought that was the object.
CLERK: Object yes, to achieve it, no! We only have ONE here with no sins! TWO would upset a big Apple cart, if you know what I mean.
JOHNSON: Are you going to send me to the other place?
CLERK: OH no, they would laugh you out of there and send you back here. But I will have to check with my Supervisor. Wait here Mr Johnson, I'll be back in a few minutes.
JOHNSON: OH sure, wait here....where would I go?
After a few minutes, the clerk returns
CLERK: Well Mr Johnson, I think we have it worked out. We are going to send you back.
JOHNSON: Back?
CLERK: Back to life. For six hours, but on one condition, you have to commit at least one sin. Can you do that, Mr Johnson?
JOHNSON; Well, I, er, ah, um,....yeah.
And with that Johnson wakes up in his bed, and notes the time on the clock.
JOHNSON: Six hours! Commit a sin. What will I do? Rob a bank..... I can't do that, I don't know anything about safe cracking. I'll hold up a convenience store ..... I can't do that ....I don't have a gun. Then Johnson remembers that sex outside of marriage is a sin, and thinks of the widow lady in a nearby apartment. He resolves to hit on her, gets dressed and heads to her apartment, keeping an eye on the time, then knocks on her door.
WIDOW LADY; Mr Johnson! We heard you were ill, and close to death!
JOHNSON: No ma'am, I am alive and well and raring to go, if you know what I mean.
WIDOW LADY; I believe I do, please come in. She then locked the door behind Johnson.
It only took 15 minutes before they were in the sack. Johnson resolved he was going to make this Sin a big one and would use up nearly all the remaining time sinning. Johnson gave the Widow lady multiple orgasms, the orgasms came closer together, and then became one long continuous orgasm, until the Widow lady was giddy with delight ... in short, she was f##ked silly.
Johnson wrapped it up 15 minutes before his deadline, got dressed, bid the Widow lady goodbye, and proceeded to let himself out.as Johnson hit the door, the Widow lady said,
"Mr Johnson, you must come back, for you have done me a good deed today!"
jaydee75
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My Dad ran a railroad track crew back in the 1940's. Those men got very dirty hands from the heavy grease, creosote, heavy manual labor, etc.
He said when they took a break for lunch, there was no hand washing and you had to eat your sandwich with very dirty hands. When their sandwich was especially good they would say " it eats right where you hold it". ie, so good you even eat the dirty part. I can relate.
Jaydee