1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Post your jokes and humor here.

Discussion in 'Access Norton Pub' started by Voodooo, Jan 25, 2020.

  1. Voodooo

    Voodooo VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
  2. Fast Eddie

    Fast Eddie VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Don’t those numbers apply to Norton owners too...?
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2020
  3. thesixthelephant

    thesixthelephant

    Joined:
    May 13, 2018
    What do you call a Bloke riding a 961 ?
    Anything you like as he is undoubtedly Deaf, probably Blind and is immune to any form of Criticism, Boom Boom :p
     
  4. Voodooo

    Voodooo VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2016
    Of course. But it’s a Norton. Not a HD
     
  5. BritTwit

    BritTwit VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2009
  6. BLIGHTYBRIT/SF

    BLIGHTYBRIT/SF VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
  7. BLIGHTYBRIT/SF

    BLIGHTYBRIT/SF VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    & for anyone outside the UK who is unaware of this person ,Diane Abbott is shadow Home Secretary & known for the wrong reasons ! 38522E84-B355-4543-9FC6-74E0BB2B6685.jpeg
     
  8. robs ss

    robs ss VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2016
    True Grit Rooster.jpg Star Wars Biker.jpg
     
    Eljahara likes this.
  9. BLIGHTYBRIT/SF

    BLIGHTYBRIT/SF VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
  10. comnoz

    comnoz VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2008
     
    Craig and robs ss like this.
  11. holtcorseaux

    holtcorseaux VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2016
    Hi everybody, hope you enjoy it and have a good Day



    Martin
     
  12. Craig

    Craig VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2005
    Wife’s code is worth watching , had a good laugh , we have 44 years in this July , not completely sure where all the years went but they are past .....
     
  13. BLIGHTYBRIT/SF

    BLIGHTYBRIT/SF VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
  14. Lineslinger

    Lineslinger VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2017
  15. Pushed it n rode it

    Pushed it n rode it

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2019
    Now, that would really scare the Crap out of you. !!!!!
     
  16. Bernhard

    Bernhard

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2011
    Na, wouldn't work if you are as deaf as a lamppost!

    Or if you really are desperate to do a number 2 that you have your pants down and you are letting go before you have a little "accident" !
     
  17. cjandme

    cjandme

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2011
    My Cousin Graham sent this one to me the other day:..............Two couples were playing cards. Jeff accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Dave's wife, Sandy, was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Jeff hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

    Later when Jeff went to the kitchen to get some refreshments Sandy followed him and asked, "Did you see anything under the table that you liked?" Jeff admitted, "Well, yes I did." She said "you can have it, but it will cost you $100."

    After a minute or two, Jeff indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Dave works Friday afternoons and Jeff doesn't, that Jeff should come to their house around 2:00 PM on Friday.

    Friday came and Jeff went to her house at 2:00 PM. After paying her the $100, they went to the bedroom, had sex for a few hours and then Jeff left.

    Dave came home about 6:00 PM and asked his wife, "Did Jeff come by this afternoon?" Totally shocked, Sandy replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes." Next Dave asked, "Did Jeff give you $100?" Sandy thought, 'Oh hell, he knows!' Reluctantly she said, "Yes, he did give me $100."

    "Good," Dave says. "Jeff came by the office this morning and borrowed the $100 from me and said that he'd stop by our house on his way home and pay me back. It's so good to have a friend you can trust.
     
    KEV-C and Craig like this.
  18. robs ss

    robs ss VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2016
    An older man was in the supermarket the other day pushing his trolley up and down the aisles when he collided with a trolley pushed by a young guy.

    He said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

    The young guy says, "That's OK. What a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

    The old bloke said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

    The young guy said, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big breasts, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

    The old bloke replied, "Doesn't matter; let's look for yours."
     
    Craig and Matchless like this.
  19. Lineslinger

    Lineslinger VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2017
    aaaa1.jpg
     
    KEV-C likes this.
  20. robs ss

    robs ss VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2016
    cjandme's post (#17) above reminded me of a good one I heard some time ago...

    An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands.

    He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent.

    Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place. Although she is attracted to him she says no.

    He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.

    The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She thinks about the night before and is only too happy to agree.

    This goes on for 5 nights.

    On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders a Fosters but goes and sits in the corner.

    The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him and asks him where he's from in Australia.

    "Melbourne", he tells her.

    “So am I. What suburb?" she enquires.

    "Glen Iris" he replies.

    "That's amazing........." she says excitedly,"........so am I - what street?"

    "Cameo Street" he replies.

    “This is unbelievable......." she says, her voice quavering. “What number?"

    "Number 20", he replies.

    She is totally astonished. “You are NOT going to believe this........” she screams, "but I’m from number 22! My parents still live there!”

    “I know..." he says, "Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you"
     
    Lineslinger likes this.

Share This Page