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Funny clean jokes wanted

Discussion in 'Motorcycle Related Discussions' started by Snorton74, Aug 20, 2012.

  1. eskasteve

    eskasteve VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2012
    A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
     
  2. texasSlick

    texasSlick VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2013
    Two Texas longhorn bulls, an old bull, and a young one, are on a ridge looking down into a valley full of cows.

    Young bull: Man! Look at all them cows! Let's charge on down there and git us one!

    Old bull: Let's just mosey on down there, and git 'em all.
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2019
  3. Deets55

    Deets55 VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2013
    A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense!

    Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."

    London Lawyer says, "What for?"

    Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

    London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

    Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

    London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

    Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration,please!"

    London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

    Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

    The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

    The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living s**t out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down? "


    DISCLAIMER: No offense intended to any of above mentioned nationalities.
     
    Craig likes this.
  4. eskasteve

    eskasteve VIP MEMBER

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2012
    Heckler: My mum died of cancer!
    Comedian: I'm really sorry to hear that, but how is that relevant?
    Heckler: It was funnier than your act.

    This girl told a friend of mine that another guy had told her that she looks like Megan Fox, to which my friend responded with "You should have given his guide dog a biscuit".

    Dude at my gym who is overweight has been working it off, slowly but surely, for a few months. This new guy comes in one day and starts trying to flirt with the receptionist (who is the overweight guys wife).
    He decides to loudly ask why that dude is so fat if he is at the gym.
    The receptionist looks at him for a long moment and then says "Because every time we screw I let him lick chocolate sauce off me."

    A conservative Mormon mother decides to talk to her daughter for the first time about sex (17 at the time) She places two slices of chocolate cake, beautifully decorated, from a nice bakery. "Now daughter, this is you with your virginity..." She then squashes one slice of cake with her hand. "And this is you without your virginity. What slice of cake would you rather give to your future husband, for time and all eternity?"
    The young girl look back and forth between the cakes "But, mom...they both taste the same..."
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2019
  5. Bernhard

    Bernhard

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2011
    Mrs Thatcher was canvasing for her party at the run up to a general election and was hit by an egg, tomato and cheese. Mrs Thatcher went off to make a short speech, and her chauffeur went and made an omelette!
     

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