Funny clean jokes wanted

Bloke walks into a pub with a frog on his head. Barkeeper looks up and says "whats that?". The frog replies - "It all started out as a pimple on me arse".
 
gory said:
A hose walks into a bar, bartender asks 'why the long face?'
This joke also works if you substitute Sarah Jessica Parker for the horse.
 
An S.S. joke then,
Q, What is better than winning a gold medal at the para/special Olympics?
A, Not being a cripple or a retard...
 
What's the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The location of the dirtbag...
 
A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says "Hey mate, what's up with the ship's wheel?"

The pirate says "Aaargh! It's drivin' me nuts!"
 
A Scotsman visits America and gets invited to a baseball game. The first batter gets a hit and the crowd jumps to their feet cheering.

He asks "What's happened?"

His host replies "The batter got a hit so he has to run to first base!"

The second batter gets a hit also, and the Scot joins right in "Run, mahn, rrrun!"

The next batter takes four balls and starts walking down the baseline toward first base. The Scot is confused by this so he yells "Rrrrun ye lazy bastard!"

His host says "No, no, no! He got a walk!"

"A what?" asks the Scot.

"He got four balls so he walks"

"Aaah" says the Scott. So he yells "Walk proud mahn, walk prrroud!"
 
Prince Harry playing strip snooker hits the pink ball too hard, it ricochets around the room finally lodging its self in Harrys backside! He gingerly runs to the nearest Doctors surgery passes through the waiting room and tells the Doc he,s got a ball stuck, the Doc looks up and says " get back on the end of the queue please"!
 
The STIG .

Funny clean jokes wanted

:?
Funny clean jokes wanted

:lol:
 
A young woman is taking golf lessons. Her first morning on the course she gets stung by a bee. She rushes back to the golf club and tells the Pro...
"I just got stung by a bee!"
"Where did you get stung?" the Pro asks.
"Just between the first and second hole!"
"Ahh," says the Pro "Your stance is too wide".
 
A riding school has ad that brags they fit every student to their perfect cycle to ride. I asked them what that means. They said well short folks get short bike and big folks get big bikes and new never ridden riders get the new designs never yet ridden either.
 
A duck walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Got any bread?"
"Sorry," says the barman, "we don't sell bread."
The duck walks round the bar once than returns and asks him, "Got any bread?"
"I told you before, we don't have any bread."
The duck returns a minute later, goes up to the barman and says, "Got any bread?"
The barman grabs him by the beak and snarls, "If you ask me one more time for bread I'm going to nail your beak to the bar and leave you there."
The duck turns pale, drops to the floor and wanders round the room. Every time he passes the barman he hesitates, turns pale and continues on.
Just before closing time he stops and asks the barman, "Got any nails?"
The barman sighs and tells him he doesn't have any nails.
"In that case, got any bread?"
 
I got this from Hank Weirzbicki....Its his kind of joke!



A professor at Wayne State University
in Detroit was giving a lecture on
Paranormal Studies

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here
believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts,
do any of you
think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.
Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years
I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made
love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell
us about your experience."

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin,
and began to make his way up to the podium. When he
reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
"So, Hamad , tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Hamad said,
"From way back
there I thought you said Goats."__,_._,___
 
Another duck joke.

Duck walks into the drugstore and asks for some Chapstick, and says "put it on my bill."
 
Did this one get told yet?

Two guys walking through a forest hear some loud noises and see a big old bear getting ready to charge. One guy drops to the ground, pulls his sneakers out of his pack and starts changing shoes. His friend, in a panic-y voices says "What are you doing, you can't out run a bear!" And the guy replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
 
Physics joke.

So one day Professor Heisenberg is out tearing around on this motorcycle, and a cop pulls him over. He ask, "Do you know how fast you were going?" And the Professor replies immediately, "No, but I know EXACTLY where I am!"

I know a bunch of really not clean jokes, too. They are a bit less groaners.
 
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