Post your jokes and humor here.

Post your jokes and humor here.
 
There was once a devout atheist who looked down his nose at any mention of God or any who believed in him. One day as he walked in the woods a large bear started chasing him. It grabbed him and pinned him to the ground, as it was about to tear in the man cried "oh god oh god no". At that point everything stopped dead and a voice said to him "what do you want? " Surprised the man said "whos speaking to me?" The voice responded 'It's me, God, even though you don't believe in me. What do you want?" Despite the evidence in front of him the man still couldn't bring himself to quite believe in a god so he said "God, could you make this bear more like a Christian than a wild animal?' With that the bear released the man, got down on his hind haunches, put both front paws together and said " Dear God, thank you for the meal I am about to receive...."
 
Post #1334 by MichaelB reminds me of this one:

A mathemetician worked for a company engaged in international business, but he refused to travel citing his fear that there might be a bomb aboard the aircraft.

This situation became more difficult for his employer, and the math-man's job became in peril.
Just about the time the axe was to fall, he announced to his boss that he was ready to fly.
"What changed your mind?" Asked his boss.
The math-man replied, 'Well, I calculated the statistics for two bombs on an airplane, and the possibility is so remote that I am willing to risk it. So I plan to travel with my own bomb!"

Slick
 
Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.

The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.

The next man stepped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.

The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole-in-one.

Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."
 
The crowd wanted to stone the prostitute.
Jesus said "Let who is without sin cast the first stone"

Just then a stone rose up out of the crowd, hits the prostitute upon the forehead and fells her dead upon the spot.

Jesus said "Mother Mary, sometimes you piss me off!"

Slick
 
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Lineslinger said:
An absolutely beautiful photo!!!
Click to expand...
I think that may be Sammy Miller on his 1937(?) AJS.
Get a load of these specs:
500cc
V-four
DOHC
Water cooled
Supercharged
Pity it was too heavy and handled like a piece of sh#t
My Grandad worked with Phil Irving on its successor - the AJS Porcupine (500cc, nearly horizontal parallel twin, supercharged)

...sorry, sorry - none of that is funny ;)
 
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