Post your jokes and humor here.

Post your jokes and humor here.
 
SteveBorland said:
Oh no, you are not getting into wooden boats are you?
I’m still recovering from near 40 odd year addition to them. I shall bear the scars into the grave….
Click to expand...
No chance. I’ve watched a friend do that. It’s rather like watching someone slowly go mad…
 
Fast Eddie said:
No chance. I’ve watched a friend do that. It’s rather like watching someone slowly go mad…
Click to expand...
Actually, cauking is just hard work, the real fun starts when applying the molten pitch - on the bottom seams, which means you are crouching under the boat, trying to get the (very hot) pitch to go into the newly caulked seam over your head. Guess where the splatter and the excess pitch ends up? The burn scars make interesting patterns on your skin though. Who needs tattoos when you have a wooden boat?

Then, after this hellish process is complete, you get to scrape all the excess pitch off the seams. If it's cold weather, the pitch shatters like glass, only into much finer fragments, which you keep on finding for weeks afterwards in your hair, ears, nose, etc. The outer layer of clothes is only fit for the rubbish, but how in hells name the bloody stuff gets into the underwear, socks etc. is a mystery. And a misery....
 
I have a wooden boat I cannot keep water out of, and a wooden hot tub I cannot keep water in
 
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

“Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.”

“The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?”
 
He is very ‘Marmite’ but if you read his background - former heroin addict, war correspondent in the balkans etc. then you have to consider the boy done good. I’d like his money too. But yes, you’re right he rides like a knob o_O
 
Flatspot said:
He is very ‘Marmite’ but if you read his background - former heroin addict, war correspondent in the balkans etc. then you have to consider the boy done good. I’d like his money too. But yes, you’re right he rides like a knob o_O
Click to expand...
In fact I don't mind him generally and knew about his heroin addiction and childhood issues but I didn't know about him being a war correspondent in the Balkans. It's just when he hangs off a nearly upright bike...!
 
Flatspot said:
He is very ‘Marmite’ but if you read his background - former heroin addict, war correspondent in the balkans etc. then you have to consider the boy done good. I’d like his money too. But yes, you’re right he rides like a knob o_O
If his background had been working class I would agree but with a very privelidged background, ie Eton educated, great great uncle a Prime Minister whose father was one of the largest slave owners in the British Empire so not a poor family, I don’t think so. Apart from that I can’t stand him!
Click to expand...
 
Reggie said:
The "amateur" picture reminds me of an exaggerated version of Henry Cole on his "Motorcycle Show" programme (shown in the UK), where on a gentle corner he hangs off the motorcycle totally without reason, looking like a real knob. Why does he do that?
Click to expand...
I really can not stand the bloke
I assume Joe public must like him
But my god he irritates me!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top