Non Norton Laffs

Status
Not open for further replies.
Joined
Dec 24, 2003
Messages
362
For those that enjoy a laugh ?? :D
Put the bikes aside for 5 minutes.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman == romance
Smart man + dumb woman == affair
Dumb man + smart woman == marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman == pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee == profit
Smart boss + dumb employee == production
Dumb boss + smart employee == promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee == overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand
her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot
more
willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
the
same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU
KNOW
CAN HANDLE IT.....
 
Joined
Apr 15, 2004
Messages
1,616
Country flag
You have some good ones there Reg!

I would just add:

A smart woman does not depend on a man for her financial security.
A smart woman provides for herself.
And if she wants a new motorcycle from time to time - she buys it!
:D

Debby
 
Joined
Sep 27, 2005
Messages
23
smart woman

Hey Debby,
You wouldn't happen to have a fishing boat & motor too would you?

ahhh never mind. Just remembered, I'm already married.
schiz
 
Joined
Apr 15, 2004
Messages
1,616
Country flag
Sorry sweetie. No boat, no fishing, no married boyfriends. But thanks for the thought!

Just a garage full of old motorcycles, that's my problem. I tried to seek counseling but the therapist wasn't able to help. I think I have talked myself out of acquiring any more old britts though so that's something :p

Debby
 
Joined
May 22, 2004
Messages
522
good stuff ~

Over here there has been the story of an old (Ex vet) biker that got a tad fed up with the City life (in Brisbane Australia) , and he decided to get away from it all ~ before moving onto the ' Major Les Higgins cattle station ' , a residence for ex vietam Vtes here in Australia ~

(This has been a controversial issue with Ex Vets looking for a 'bolt hole' and moving onto an abandoned cattle station in Far north Queensland not far from where we live.)

Anyway this bloke found an old cabin where he set up camp for a bit of R&R .

He had apparently been living peacefully for about three weeks when one mornign he was sitting on the front varandah when through the bush appears a large rough looking hillbilly type ~

He introduced himself .. "Gidday Om Bruce! ~ You wanna come ove rto my place for a BBQ and party tonight !??"

"Yeah Bruce ` ah yeah sounds great.... O'll be there !!"

"Gotta warn you mate. Its gunna be ruff ~ Eye like a few beers.. and a few plonks ~ before and after a huge feed.. !'

"Thats Ok Bruce.. I don;t mind afew ales myself!" "Good ~ I goota tell you `` I like a fight too ~ nothing like a good punch up after afew brews mate.. !? "

AHH yeha Ok .. I have been know to have a bit of a blue too !!"

"Ohh Good ~ " Bruce replies.. "And then after a gut ful of beer and a blue ~ I like SEX!! Lots of sex.. !!!!"

"Geezz Sounds good Bruce.. so what time you want me to showe up mate.. ?? "

"Ahh any after sunset mate.. don't matter.. only gunna be you and me there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And we reckon we got woes with spark and more !!!! :wink: :eek: 8) :) :lol: :lol:
 
Joined
Sep 27, 2005
Messages
23
Funny stuff Reg

and Stuart.
Debby ,thats ok. never really liked to fish anyway. I put my therapist in therapy & have a garage full of bikes with only one old brit so I wonder if that equals a clean bill of health.
There again 1 or 2 more bikes(especially british) might fix the married part of the equation........ just kidding. Can't think of any good net jokes right now. Nice one Stuart.lmao
schiz
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top