A good woman and marriage

Well I been into motorcycles (dirt bikes at 15) and Bristish bike since I was 17 (brought my Norton new at 17) so all my young life my motorcycles were the most important thing in life, I had a few girl friends but nothing to brag about spend a few weeks with them for my pleasure as well as theirs but nothing to get hitched as really I loved my freedom and my bikes as well my cattle dogs, then one day I was walking down the driveway to my mate's shed (Paul who I have known for most of my life lived in the shed down the back yard of Mrs T) well he wasn't home but walking back out the block of flats next door an old female friend was hanging her washing on the line I was 30 years old at the time and I have known Debra most of my life ( her dad was my dad's best friend and she was the oldest of 9 and I was good a mate with her older brother) well we started talking and she invited me over for a cuppa and chat and that night I took her out for a meal.
Within 2 weeks I moved in with her well while I was spending time with her any way I still lived at my dad's place where I lived all my life and 6 months later we just finished a romp in the hay and was laying together chatting when I said to her well we might as well get married, she nearly fell off the bed and I said you can move up to my place with me and my dad, my dad was away up at my cousin cattle station on Cape York where he spent a few years helping out and come home for a few month during the wet season, I was paying all my dads bills since I was 20 years old instead of paying board, well when he came home he was so happy I was with his favorite daughter he never had and a new renovated kitchen before she moved in (we are still together and living in the same house, my dad been gone for about 14 years now).
But the night I asked Debra to marry me I did lay down the law, I said my motorcycles are number one (which she already knew) and told her I still need my freedom to go away with mates on bike runs or anytime really and because we have grown up in the same area she knew most of my mates and I gave her a roof over her head, she has no say in my motorcycles and have brought 2 new Triumph Thruxtons without her knowing till the day I picked them up when she had to drive me to the dealerships lol, she had no say at all.
Debra was unemployed when I started to go out with her (she hasn't worked since as I supported her) and I was working full time at the Tec College (TAFE) 5 minute from home and after 32 years of marriage 4 kids but we had lost 2 boys at a young age and our 2 daughter are out on their own now with their partners, so we didn't have a smooth run while we been together with the lost of our boys but it made us stronger for our tragedy, an 2013 11 months after buying my first new Truxton and 31 years at the Tec college (TAFE) I took a redundancy at 55 but because I was born before 1960 I was able to get my GOVT. super that was over 9 years now and I just draw a super pension and walked away with a good pay out from my redundancy and we owned everything.
I am now 64 years old and Debra is 61 after 9 years with me at home we have our problems with being together all the time but I have my well set up shed/workshop where I spend most of my time and in the gardens, I am a hands on person and anything that breaks I fix or any work around the house, I still have my freedom to go out on the bikes or away with mates or away visiting old mates ( she stays home and look after the house as well I still have cattle dogs), sometimes I go away for a few weeks which works out good for both of us as well we do need that break from each other, she puts up a lot from me but she is not the easiest woman to live with but it works for both of us, she is a great woman and never complains, well when she does she knows I never take any notice, she is having a few health problems as she gets older but she knows I am with her when she needs me, but she drives me nuts sometimes lol but then I am not the easiest person to get along with.
But I look at some of my mates and they don't have the freedom as I have with their wives and they say I am lucky, but then I say to them you don't live with my wife lol, but I do love her she been good with me as I have with her, she knows to leave me alone when I am down or been trapped at home since no longer working, but when that happens she tells me to get out on the bike and go for a few days, she reads me pretty good and think I am very lucky to have her beside my side no matter how much she drives me crazy.
But sometimes I just don't tell her how much I love her I am just not that person the show too much love, but we have a good life together, we live a simple life, in an old house my dad built without the luxuries, its a old Queenslander hardwood house with out aircon or heating and is never locked and windows are always open even in winter, but the cattle dogs do a good job of looking after the house 24/7, its a happy house with 2 great people living in it and hopefully we both be here till the end and my Debra does know I do love her, I just don't show it sometime but that's me and she understands that.

Ashley

You indeed seem to enjoy a mutually beneficial relationship, which too few have. Usually, one person gives all, and the other takes all. It is a rarity that such relationships last a lifetime.

It has taken me a lifetime to learn to say "I love you " and "thank you". One cannot overuse these words, they mean so much to a woman.

Carry on Ash, tell her you love her each time you head out to the shed, and thank her for giving you the space and time you need (even though you don't need her approval)!

Slick

Well Ashley, I'm with Slick on this one, make yourself or make a conscience effort to tell her that you love her, (even though she already know it as you've said). I've been married 23 years now, and my wife is Japanese, by and large they are or come across as an unemotional lot, so I suppose I am the one who initiates the emotional crapola. Never-the-less, women are women the world over and like to hear that sort of thing. Cj

Ahhh come on lads saying I love you every time I go up to the shed, now that's too much lol she knows her place on the pecking order with me and she knew what she was coming into and she has had a good life with me but showing her and giving her too much love, if I did that she would be wondering why as she knows its not me, and yes women are women all over the world but I won't suck up to their way of thinking, I am who I am and she knows that and I do give her a peck on the lips to show her my love, not all the time, but hey can't show her too much love, as I say she known me too well and she knows when to leave me alone.
I have a good nature in everything I do or with anyone I spend time with, I am old school in everything I do and with women I am always polite and good mannered but sometime my wife will push me to see if she can stir me up, never works as I can also read her like a book, but of course we have had our share of blews over the years, but both of us never give in to each other no matter who was wrong, but I do know when to stop, sometimes she doesn't and will carry on for hours after, thank god for the shed and beer fridge or an escape on the bike lol.
But she is doing well to put up with me for so long, we just know each other too well, my wife is a clean house person but she is also hoarder and never wants to get rid of things, its a problem with many of fights, a small house and too much crap laying around and its not mine.

Ashley

Having a accommodating lady in your life is deffiently a major plus.
When I told my mates that the Mrs was coming to work with me...they all said I was mad...yet we get on really well....i used to think....treat em mean and keep them keen....or you can treat them right and be out on ya bike anytime ya like...
My new boss

I couldn't do that working with the wife, its bad enough being retired now and spending too much time together, was good when working had that break for 9 hours of the day, my wife is not the smartest cookie on the planet and has gone the same way with my oldest daughter they are both alike, but my youngest daughter is so much like me in every way, she is good looking, smart, into motorcycles and don't take sh#t from no one, but I didn't marry my wife for her brains, she is a good mother, good cook, well most of the time, over cooks a good steak and always burns the bottom of a good cake lol and taught by her mother, boil everything and one of the reasons I eat raw vegies lol.
She has her good points but has so many bad points but she has kept me on a straight and narrow road and she didn't mind picking up the drunks from the pub when out not only me but my mates as well, she was a good taxi driver for her dad and my dad in her younger days, trained well lol.
She has 5 sisters and 3 brothers and to be honest she the best of the lot, she is the oldest and the shortest of her family and to be honest her dad was a bit of a arse hole to his kids when they were growing up, but that's another story, she was blamed for everything for the way of his life turning out, really.
She had a hard life at home and from other ex boyfriends till I came along and had to set her last boyfriend right, he just didn't take the hint she was sick of being used, I sorted that out real quick lol and I didn't have to lift a finger.
Well 32 years now and maybe I might get parole this year, but looks like I am a lifer.

Ashley

ashman said:

Well I been into motorcycles... I said to her well we might as well get married...I am now 64 years old and Debra is 61 ... that's me and she understands that.

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Yeah, I was divorced when Sally & I met, she already knew how to ride AND wrench (she pulled the carb off her brother's Honda 70 and overhauled it, taught herself to shift with clutch, took her friends for rides, etc.

I had two little kids (one full time, one part time, split with the ex), so she got a "package deal" along with 5 or 6 bikes at the time. So, she kew what she was getting.

One week ago was our 39th, we still have a 17-year-old and a 12-year old at home (that will likely be down to just the younger one in about a year). Sally bought her own bike last year and rides it regularly.

If you've read my thread about "movin' up", we have an 11-acre ranch with a "hangardominium" for my ultralight, bikes (11), etc, and we just spent the night there last night with 2 of our young grandsons. We were stargazing last night, the boys all rode ATVs this morning, and we're just enjoying our summer.

Sally and I take the kids riding (one each, on pillion) pretty regularly, for a 1-2 hour ride plus lunch or dinner. They both ride, but of course not licensed for the street (yet). I'm 65, Sally is 59, and I HOPE we'll still be riding in 10 more years; who knows, maybe 20...

Feels funny to be talking about feelings and relationships instead of cams and carbs, but I'll add my little bit of wisdom here. Might not help anyone else, but it's a bit of therapy for me right now. My wife and I are both 81 years old, been married 64 years this month, and I just had to put her in memory care at a local retirement home with severe dementia. It's been a tough last few years as her dementia worsened, with only me as her caregiver, and I admit to occasionally thinking that it would be a relief when we finally had to put her in 24/7 care. I've been living alone now for five months, and it is nice to not have that stress every day. But I'd trade that freedom in a flash to have her back with me. We've had a good life together all those years, and I've always appreciated how lucky I was to marry her when we were both callow youths of 17, and have it actually work out well. But I never realized how much I would miss her in the current situation. There are so many moments when something interesting occurs, and I reflexively start to think about sharing it with her, only to realize that I no longer can. It gets pretty lonely in the evening sometimes.

Our oldest daughter visits her two or three times a week, and I think that is the highlight of my wife's day. Our daughter is amazing at coping with all the strange behavior, and really enjoys bringing some joy into her mother's life. I'm less resilient. I visit her less often, and only along with our daughter. My wife thinks of me as that nice person who used to cook for her and share her home, and enjoys it when I show up, but insists that I'm not her husband. She thinks there are four or five people in her life named Ken, but I'm not the one she's married to. I'm ok with that, and we don't bring up the subject any more, but it makes me almost unbearably sad to see what has become of the fun, charming, and very intelligent person she was only a few years ago.

So, about that little bit of wisdom I mentioned. It's pretty simple. Enjoy your spouse or partner's company while you can. You'll never realize how much you'll miss them until they are gone.

I'm fortunate that I can still get some motorcycle riding therapy. I have a weekly Thursday morning ride with retired friends over interesting roads, to someplace fun for lunch, as well as occasional weekend rides in the company of friends who are still working during the week. I also manage some solo rides, and the occasional local club ride. I have a very supportive family nearby, and get to do some really fun rides with my grandson, Ken, and some of his friends. I have plenty of bike projects to keep me occupied in the shop, and more than enough work maintaining our house and 5-acre property, so I don't lack things to keep me moving. Maybe that's part of the secret of a long and happy old age, just keep getting up each morning and getting moving.

Ken

lcrken said:

Feels funny to be talking about feelings and relationships instead of cams and carbs... My wife and I are both 81 years old, been married 64 years this month, and I just had to put her in memory care at a local retirement home with severe dementia.

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Sorry to hear that your wife slipped around the bend, Ken. I remember the first time I stayed with my Dad after he'd been "acting differently" and I started to write a story titled "That's Not My dad". I never could finish it, probably never will. Very sad human condition, and it's amazing that it's also playing out on worldwide TV for all the world to see. So sad. The cure is coming too late for many of us, hopefully our kids, or at least our grandkids, will be saved from it.

My wyfe has strict orders NOT to allow anyone to prolong that horrible ride, but only to remember all of our MANY wonderful, enjoyable rides together, and CELEBRATE that.

I hope I make it to 80, still able to ride, I'd be very satisfied with that (I'd probably be OK with 75, my Dad did that).

Sorry Ken to hear about your wife and I know what you going through as my dad suffered the same dementia, my wife became his carer and one day he was at home then a stay in hospital where they ended up telling us he can no long come home, the home he built, it was a sad day for all of us as my dad was my best mate we did a lot together when I grew up, but was good as we got him into Eventide just down the road from us and my wife's anty was a nurse in the Dementia ward and she knew my dad well, she looked after him when she was on.
Where he was over looked the bay where we use to fish many of times one of his favorite whiting spots, he wasn't talking but he always smiled when the wife and I came with the kids and I be talking about our fishing times together always put a smile on his face, he pasted away not long after that and he is always in my heart as I miss him so much, but life goes on.

I am glad you get out to ride with old mates I still ride with mates I grew up with and after leaving school at 15 we all got into dirt bikes and later road bikes, a lot of the mates are still close by but a few have moved up the coast but we all get together for a monthly ride and once a year a big rid with mates that can't make the monthly rides, sometimes I take the wife with me but most of the time is just me and the mates, but I do take the wife mid week for rides when things are good and nothing else on the cards and stop for a good feed somewhere out in the country together but being retired and living on a budget each week can be hard but there is always money for fuel in the bike, 2 times now I been done for speeding while she been on the back, never happens when with the mates.

My youngest daughter has been riding dirt bikes at 9 she was a natural and when I brought her a Honda XR100 I showed her where everything was, clutch, gears, brakes was and to my surprise she was off and seemed like she been riding for years, couldn't believe it, she now rides a Triumph Triple 660, my oldest daughter didn't ride bikes but she didn't mind being on the back whether on the dirt bike or road bike and my wife well she was hopeless riding the XR100 as I bought her one when Rose had hers, Debra tried to climb a post with the XR100 and didn't want to ride after that, she happy to be on the back.

So yes we have had a good time together as well our bad times, all part of life with a lot of things thrown in front of us but I am a strong willed person and with the lost of our boys the wife would have lost it if it wasn't for me pulling us together, but these days as we get older we will be together forever but we both do our own things my shed is fully set up for motorcycles, snooker table and a big slot car race track and of course my music and beer fridge, but my drinking has slowed down these days but still love having beers with the mates when we all get together, the wife spoils them but sometimes I got to tell her to go back up stairs as she like to talk but gets in the way of men talk but she understands we need to do that when we are together I have 3 close mates that when we get together we are like brothers, we put sh#t on each other and just enjoy each others company but we not getting together as much as we use to these days and its more a drop around to see how we been, 2 of the good mates ride Harley's and they hate riding with the other mates on our monthly ride, they say we go too far, ride to long between breaks and start too early, that fires me up with them and I call them a bunch of girls and I rub it into them.

Its a long weekend here and there be more traffic and cops on the road if I get out on the bike I have to be extra careful and stay away from most of the short popular bike roads but the winter days has been so nice with cool mornings but sunny and getting up too 24c perfect ride weather but will be taking the Norton out later today and tomorrow be out on the Thruxton with the wife heading out to a good mate who lost his wife 12 months ago he lives out bush about 100 miles from us and its a great ride through some of the best country back roads in SE Queensland and maybe lunch at Esk and a ride home over the mountains on one of the best bike road around but also one of the highest bike crash road so hopefully the cops who patrol that road be packed up and gone home by the time we get on it late in the afternoon.

Ashley

I am 81. I was foolish when I was young and ended-up in an unsatisfactory marriage. I was usually studying pert-time while working and my jobs were enjoyable but stressful, For many years I drove across town and back in stressful trafic from a sressful marriage to a stressful job. I have 3 kids who are well educated and with their own homes. But I have only one natural grand-child.
At about age 69, I retired and arranged to get a divorce. I then went back to work part time and 'on contract'.
I got a job as a Project Manager with a design group in a defence factory, in Benalla, where I bought a second house.
At about the same time, I found a lady whom I knew many years ago and really liked. She was living in another country town and had lived a life somewhat similar to my own. So now I have 3 kids, 1 natural grand daughter, 3 step-kids , 5 step-gtand kids and two half-step grand kids.
My ex has told me she is happy I have those kids in my life,because she knows what I did not experience during my first marriage.
With me, sex usually involves a meeting of minds. If womem are smart, I love them more.
My step-daughter lives with me, and herv 3 kids are my current project - they are my legacy to the world.
The younget one is 7 - I was teaching her to play chess a while back. I ended playing aginst myself whilre she removed the dead man. When we finished, all she said was ' I want to win'. She is with me full-time and is a total genius. What she knows is amazing.
I have never known kids who were so quick to learn - I always thought kids in their shared-custody circunstances would be disadvantaged.
I raced motorcycles during my first marriage, and me ex could not care what happended to me. However my wife watched me race the last time. She was standing with my old mate and he got a bit exciited, but she got anxiety. She has put the kybosh on my racing, but that does not mean I cannot do a few laps on a race track. I can still drive my car, so riding my Seeley 850 will be a soda. The bike is much easier for me - just a habit.

After I remarried, I had a double by-pass operation, 3 strokes and a carotid artery clearance ( the widow-maker) and two weeks ago I had the cataract removed from my left eye. I can now see OK again - that might be useful ?
It really amuses me that I have reached age 81, I did not expect to live past 29 when I was young. By that time, I had already lost many friends. We were pretty silly.

Well here is a pic of my good woman, hard at work in her new kitchen preparing a good meal for both of us. I made the prep table for her using the cut out of the new sink, she only stands at 5' nothing, has worn glasses since she was 18 months old and is deaf without her hearing aids, but funny she hears me when I am talking about her behind her back without her hearing aids lol and when she talks she is loud, when she on the phone with the oldest daughter I can hear her loud and clear even when up the back in the workshop lol.
I can be a bit hard on her sometimes but she gives it back just as good as I give, we both have grown up living a simple life with me earning low wages all my life if we didn't have the money we always got by and if we wanted something we saved for it, we never had much money saved till I took a redundancy from my job of 31 years in 2013 with a good pay out and didn't go on a big spending spree with the money as really we had everything we needed, but I did do up the inside of our old house, every room got done and new kitchen and just a few months ago done the outside of the house a new refresh with me doing all the work except for the new kitchen but I did the rest of the kitchen work, my wife was so proud of what I have done to our old house and anything else I do here and for her, my dad would be looking down on me with a big smile in what I have done to his old house he built.
Life for the both of us can only get better with just the 2 of us, the kids are looking after themselves and running their own lives but we are still waiting to be grand parents.
Anyway here is a pic of my love of my life.


Better put one of the wife, she is cutting up cabbage and onion she's cooking 2 juicy steaks and she make a cabbage and onion gravy to go over the steaks, so nice and if you have problems going to the toilet this will fix it, she is also dangerous with a sharp knife, I found out the hard way one night giving her a bit, landed between my feet and stuck in the hardwood floor lol.

Ashley

ashman said:

Well here is a pic of my good woman, hard at work in her new kitchen preparing a good meal for both of us. I made the prep table for her using the cut out of the new sink, she only stands at 5' nothing, has worn glasses since she was 18 months old and is deaf without her hearing aids, but funny she hears me when I am talking about her behind her back without her hearing aids lol and when she talks she is loud, when she on the phone with the oldest daughter I can hear her loud and clear even when up the back in the workshop lol.
I can be a bit hard on her sometimes but she gives it back just as good as I give, we both have grown up living a simple life with me earning low wages all my life if we didn't have the money we always got by and if we wanted something we saved for it, we never had much money saved till I took a redundancy from my job of 31 years in 2013 with a good pay out and didn't go on a big spending spree with the money as really we had everything we needed, but I did do up the inside of our old house, every room got done and new kitchen and just a few months ago done the outside of the house a new refresh with me doing all the work except for the new kitchen but I did the rest of the kitchen work, my wife was so proud of what I have done to our old house and anything else I do here and for her, my dad would be looking down on me with a big smile in what I have done to his old house he built.
Life for the both of us can only get better with just the 2 of us, the kids are looking after themselves and running their own lives but we are still waiting to be grand parents.
Anyway here is a pic of my love of my life.
View attachment 107537View attachment 107538

Better put one of the wife, she is cutting up cabbage and onion she's cooking 2 juicy steaks and she make a cabbage and onion gravy to go over the steaks, so nice and if you have problems going to the toilet this will fix it, she is also dangerous with a sharp knife, I found out the hard way one night giving her a bit, landed between my feet and stuck in the hardwood floor lol.

Ashley

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God bless you both, and I wish you continued health & happiness.

TMI on the cabbage bro....

Seems we are mostly on the same page - fortunate enough to have a partner and finally mature enough to recognize it .
It would be a mistake to take things for granted - no one knows for certain what tomorrow may bring so be sure to tell the valued people in your life that you care for them and appreciate them .
I am lucky enough to have been married to a good one for 45 years this fall . Two beautiful daughters as well and each gave us a granddaughter this year .
Wife and daughters..

and Reagan and Zoe - cousins two months apart.

Lucky me - RT

Very cute photos there Richard of the grandbabies. Cj

Richard Tool said:

Seems we are mostly on the same page - fortunate enough to have a partner and finally mature enough to recognize it .
It would be a mistake to take things for granted - no one knows for certain what tomorrow may bring so be sure to tell the valued people in your life that you care for them and appreciate them .
I am lucky enough to have been married to a good one for 45 years this fall . Two beautiful daughters as well and each gave us a granddaughter this year .
Wife and daughters..
View attachment 107565
and Reagan and Zoe - cousins two months apart.
View attachment 107566
Lucky me - RT

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Shame your daughter can’t afford new jeans tho… same as mine

Fast Eddie said:

Shame your daughter can’t afford new jeans tho… same as mine

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Fortunately, that torn or ripped phase is fading out with our daughters. The one I never really understood were the jeans that were made to look dirty, but were yellowed/ "distressed" from new. Cj

My life has been and is nothing like you all have described but it shows how different we all are whilst being the same in some ways which is why we are here on this page. We are what we are and there isn't much we can do about it!