Ash is in hospital

Had a big afternoon yesterday I ventured up to the shed, I have a round swivel stool on casters I sat on when I crutched my way up to the shed, once seated on the stool I was mobile inside my shed, got to the beer fridge and a nice cold can of beer was looking at me in the face, a fresh 30 pack of heavy beers mmmm so I opened one.
My next door neighbour just got back from a holidays over in Thailand the day before and I heard him in the back yard so yelled out to him as I had to thank him and his wife they were coming down the road when we go hit by the car and they stopped to help out his wife Barbra is a nurse, Dave said they couldn't leave me there on the side of the road and they were with me and Debra till they took us away 1 1/2 hrs later while we were getting our lives saved.

Dave and his wife Barbra told me we were talking to them while the Paramedics were working on us and at one stage I looked down at my damaged foot and said to them "I think my foot is fu cked" well I wasn't too far wrong there. Barbra was keeping Debra talking so she stayed awake while they were saving her life as her right leg was bleeding out, thanks to the quick thinking truck driver using his ratchet tie down around her leg, saved her life for sure, they said it was pretty intense but we were talking all the way through it all, but I can't remember a thing.

The people who lived on the corner where we got hit and we stopped on their driveway, they called the emergency, but they now had enough of all the accidents on that intersection and after our accident they are selling up, I now see a sold sign out front, I also read the news report about our accident in our state morning paper the day after the accident and have it on my phone the report, I will add it to this thread.

I haven't read the police report from the accident but I can if I want too as my solicitor has the full report, but I don't think I am ready for it just yet, maybe one day I will.

Well after drinking way too many beers yesterday on my own I decided I had enough and decided to get on my crutches and go back up into the house to cook some tea, well that was a big mistake as I was legless (drunk) and had the wobberly boot on and had a fall from my crutches and landed in my large herb plant just on the side of my path to the house from the shed, fu ck you idiot and drew blood from the side of my right hand but my leg was good, got up and back on the crutches I made it to the back steps, I won't be doing that again, well not have drinks in me on my own.

I am just getting a bit frustrated not being able to do anything, well not what I am use to doing and when talking to Debra on the phone today I told her what had happened and my fall, it upset her and I was upset because I feel so helpless, stuck at home unable to do the things I want to do and now it starting to have an affect on my mind, being such a active person all my life to now being helpless in doing anything, can't even work on my train layout, maybe make a few models but nothing major on the layout and now its starting to sink in it be sometime before I get back to a near normal life and relying on others for help.

My life is fu cked at the moment and there is nothing I can do about it and its going to be like this for another 6 months or more, the process of walking again will be a slow process and all I can do is sit around the house watching the idiot box or on the computer, not real much else I can do and its taking it out on me, not sure how things are going to pan out tomorrow when Debra comes home as I can't look after her as I having trouble dealing with my own problems.

Ash

News story from our accident.

You are in the bottom of the trough currently, you know where you will be in 6 months ie walking again and more mobile. Concentrate on how you will get there rather than where you are now.

I had 1m of colon removed as it had died, I was a couple of hours away from them not being able to operate so they opened me up before they knew what was wrong and found the dead septic colon. I woke up with the colon gone but they also had repaired my incisional hernia which was the root cause. I was told I could never lift more than 2kg, no more kickstarting or putting a bike on a centre stand or the hernia repair would reopen and be unrepairable. Well I decided that was not for me so I took my time but exercised to get muscle strength back in all areas but no exercise for the stomach wall. I am now lifting 25kg bags of coal, riding the Norton after kick-starting it and putting it on the center stand. I still have the scar to remind me and wear a support brace during waking hours for the stomach but essentially I am back to normal. You will get there.

I will get there no problems there I want to walk and walk sooner than later, but in the mean time I am getting a bit frustrated in not able to do things like I need to do, falling yesterday wasn't good and didn't help drinking so much was the root cause of me falling, I didn't think I drank that many beers but I lost count after 10 cans, just way too much, but 10+ cans is what I normally drink when I have beers when I feel like a beer of course, I don't drink much these days but they just went down so nicely and didn't think I was that pissed, but wasn't till I hopped up that I sure was I had a few too many.
But being home and not much to do but to vegetate instead of doing things to keep me busy is hard for me, stuck in a wheelchair all day till I go to bed, I just feel so helpless and it not good for me and my house is not made for someone in a wheelchair, even cooking for myself is a task in itself, keeping my stump leg up all day doesn't help, its hard adjusting getting in and out of the chair, going for a bath or using the toilet is a major task, its coming up to 3 months in 4 days time and I have another 6 months, the unknown doesn't help as well, I never lost a leg before but its starting to put a strain on me, but I am not going to let it beat me and I am sure things will get worst before it gets better I am sure of that.

Ash

ashman said:

I will get there no problems there I want to walk and walk sooner than later, but in the mean time I am getting a bit frustrated in not able to do things like I need to do, falling yesterday wasn't good and didn't help drinking so much was the root cause of me falling, I didn't think I drank that many beers but I lost count after 10 cans, just way too much, but 10+ cans is what I normally drink when I have beers when I feel like a beer of course, I don't drink much these days but they just went down so nicely and didn't think I was that pissed, but wasn't till I hopped up that I sure was I had a few too many.
But being home and not much to do but to vegetate instead of doing things to keep me busy is hard for me, stuck in a wheelchair all day till I go to bed, I just feel so helpless and it not good for me and my house is not made for someone in a wheelchair, even cooking for myself is a task in itself, keeping my stump leg up all day doesn't help, its hard adjusting getting in and out of the chair, going for a bath or using the toilet is a major task, its coming up to 3 months in 4 days time and I have another 6 months, the unknown doesn't help as well, I never lost a leg before but its starting to put a strain on me, but I am not going to let it beat me and I am sure things will get worst before it gets better I am sure of that.

Ash

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Your fortitude will carry you through.
Getting shitty on beer was a release.... we know better, but that was a fuckit moment. After all that's happened, a little burst of fuckit is understandable.
You will need to close the booze throttle some overall to avoid the bad side effects. And you're clever enough to know when.

ashman said:

...I didn't think I drank that many beers but I lost count after 10 cans, just way too much, but 10+ cans is what I normally drink when I have beers when I feel like a beer of course, I don't drink much these days but they just went down so nicely and didn't think I was that pissed, but wasn't till I hopped up that I sure was I had a few too many.

Ash

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Your body was "off the juice" for long enough to make a difference.

The POSITIVE to take out of this, is that you REALIZE IT YOURSELF.

You are no lilly-livered weakling, you've got fortitude and determination. KEEP USING IT!

Maybe inventory your train set, organize your tools, whatever, give your MIND some work to do, your body is getting PLENTY of therapy.

Well another set back for me this Wednesday I have another visit to the amputee rehab at 10:30 and Debra has a app at 1pm at the same hospital but up on the 7th floor so she is going to get the cab with me and wait around till her app as the amputee section is paying for my cab up to the hospital any other app we have to find our own way there.
The set back is our daughter she is getting a full cares pension as well extra money for looking after both of Debra as well myself but she had a parttime job 2 hrs in the morning and 2 hrs in the afternoon caring for a disable child on the disability bus but this year she hasn't had any work but Sunday they phoned her asking if she can do a shift on Wednesday which we also need her help, she said she do it but has made me angry as she can't be our carer or a carer on a bus, she has to decide which one is more important, she is getting good money for her cares pension so I be asking her what she wants to do care for us or care for someone else child, as really need her for our hospital visits.

We went to a lot of troubles to get her a cares pension for our needs and she deserves it as she suffers epilepsy and should have been on a pension years ago because of her health , when she has an attack she just drops with no warning and her doctors told her she could never work full time and when she does go down it takes her 2 weeks to fully recover from it, stress is one main thing that brings on her epilepsy but its been sometime since she had an attack as they now know what side of the brain is causing it and her medication is doing its job, but she still can have an attack with it.

So today she coming over to help with shopping and mums return home so going to put it to her, do what the Gov is paying her to do to look after mum and me or do work where she is not guarantee work, 4 hrs this week for the first time this year is not worth it or getting paid good money for looking after us, she has to decide one or the other.

After my fall Saturday has shown me I need help, on the piss didn't help but I do need help and things are going to get worst when Debra comes home as she be restricted even more than me till she is walking on both legs without aid and her injuries be with her for the rest of her life, because she not 67 yet (that is our pension age) and she not working she getting unemployed money although when you get to 60 you no long need to look for a job but must do 30 hrs a fortnight community work but she has to now get medical certificate every 3 months as she can no longer do any work, the doctors are giving her long term medical report today to take to Centrelink to put in for a disability pension, she still has 2 years to go to get the old age pension but she be won't be able to do her 2 days a week working at Vinnies doing her 15 hrs a week work for the dole.

What a situation to have ourselves in at no fault of our own, yes accidents happen but it has fu cked our normal lives up forever from on persons mistake and the sh it we have to go through, its starting to take its toll on me and I won't be able to look after Debra when she comes home as I am restricted in what I can do, what a mess our lives have come too, not a good position to find ourselves in, near 3 months since the accident and we still a long way to full recovery, I don't wish this on anyone to be in the same position we find ourselves in.

Sorry for this as things are starting to hit me hard and now I have tears rolling out of my eye just writing this and finding it hard to handle at the moment, but I be alright as its all new to me in what care we both will need, thinking about it and having a bit of a cry has helped me as each day something will pop up that I will have to deal with, just got to get back on top of things and do what is needed to be done, but fu ck its hard, I thought things were going OK but now I don't know, its the unknown that is the worst thing on my mind.

Ash

Ash, you've got this far through your positivity and determination.
It's important you keep that mindset now, especially when these difficulties confront you.
Chin up! Damn the torpedoes!
Cheers mate.

robs ss said:

Ash, you've got this far through your positivity and determination.
It's important you keep that mindset now, especially when these difficulties confront you.
Chin up! Damn the torpedoes!
Cheers mate.

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Thanks Rob, things are starting to look up as Virginia is now coming with us up to the hospital on Wednesday, her boy friend told her she has to do what is best for mum and myself and can't do both, has given her something to think about.

I have had a bit of a melt down this morning and was a bit upset about how things have happened to both of us and now Debra be home after 1pm, was talking to her just before when I lost the plot and just being upsetting for me, but I didn't want to upset her, things well workout but today I just needed this melt down to make me take control of the situation we are in.

We are both good people and it just seems we been punished for being good, I just need to get back on track and on top of things, not going to let this get on top of me, I need to get on top of it.

Ash

Ash, it's normal to have a setback or two on your way back to a decent level of mobility, but if you look back on where you both started the day of the accident, you and your dear wife have survived and progressed forward an incredible amount. Now that you are back home in your comfort zone, I'm sure that your lives will settle down to something much more comfortable and pleasant than a hospital ward. Everyone on here is rooting for you. I know you have a lot of mates where you live, but if you have a WhatsApp connection I'm sure some of the chaps on here would be delighted to give you a call from time to time just to keep your spirits up - I know I would. Warmest wishes to you and Debra from Hong Kong.

You have come a long way Ash, go back and read this thread from the beginning if you ever doubt your strength.

Take time to accept and feel these emotions, give thanks that you are alive, shed a tear, keep writing.