Post your jokes and humor here.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Voodooo
  • Start date Start date
marshg246 said:
My car about drove me crazy for about a year. Often when I would get in, the trunk would open - sometimes I would go through it 3-4 times before I could drive away. The dealer couldn't find anything and neither could I. I was convinced that there was short in the seat wiring.

Then one day the light came - the key says in your pocket and the car senses is. If the back side were towards my leg, then the trunk button could get bumped on the door pillar through my pants - problem (embarrassingly) solved!
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Nah. That light in your head coming on was just the ghost in the machine yanking your chain...its haunted.
 
I been haunted my lifetime with the notion common knowledge was just baloney …. realize lare usually some truth there , still recovering …. Haha!
 
Humour...(maybe)...

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me In Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station … on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside St Vinnie's, along with all the cash in your wallet. (That made his day!)

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat … (I guess while he traced your number).​
 
Flatspot said:
May I say that there is a proviso for me, I’d have to be blindfolded as I detest the current fad for tattoos to the extreme that otherwise pretty/beautiful women desecrate their bodies with.
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When they became adult, the children of my wife's colleague asked him if they could go and get tattoo's. Yes he replied, but in return you must promise me that for the rest of your lives you will wear the same style of clothes and have the same haircuts. I think the penny dropped and they didn't bother.
 


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