Post your jokes and humor here.

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A student was walking on campus one day when a second student rode up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a cool bike?" asked the first.

The second replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want.”
 
marshg246 said:
A student was walking on campus one day when a second student rode up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a cool bike?" asked the first.

The second replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want.”
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Good choice!!
 
robs ss said:
Good choice!!
Click to expand...
marshg246 said:
A student was walking on campus one day when a second student rode up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a cool bike?" asked the first.

The second replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want.”
Click to expand...
The version I heard was two engineering students, and t he reply was "Good choice, her clothes wouldn't suit you at all"
 
Time is like a river. You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.
 
A man once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments.

He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.

"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"

The man responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat!”
 
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