Post your jokes and humor here.

EstuaryBoy said:
It WAS tongue in cheek....
Bottom line is I think (hope?) most Brits will/can discuss/ridicule our leaders (witness the popularity of Private Eye, Spitting Image et al) without taking umbrage....
Possibly :)
Click to expand...
I agree - however, if you look back - not all accept making fun of Greta, Boris, Donald, etc - and that's where the humour disappears - unfortunately!
 
Soo....

Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling, take celibacy. This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Tony and Julie listened to the instructor declare “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He addressed the men. “Can each of you name and describe your wife's favourite flower?”

Tony leaned over, touched Julie's arm gently and whispered, “Self-raising, isn't it?”

Thus began Tony's life of celibacy.
 
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
Black humour yes, but any fans of 'Puckoon' may see the funny side....

uk.news.yahoo.com

Dead man taken to Irish post office 'in attempt to claim his pension'

A dead man was reportedly taken into an Irish post office in an attempt to claim his pension. The deceased was carried up to the counter by two other men, reports in Irish media said. When the group approached, a "concerned staff member enquired about the wellbeing of the man being propped...
uk.news.yahoo.com uk.news.yahoo.com
 

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.
youtube.com youtube.com
 
Just last wk , flattened my stock pile of card board boxes for re-cycle pick up , unbelievable how much I had accumulated including 2 huge Corbin seat boxes and maybe 40 other medium to large assorted sizes , kept half dozen 12lb coffee cases and few shoe boxes , just never know when a box comes in handy , my wife made me promise not to collect anymore, ever ! …. did not mention the reserves of CB in bike shed ….
 
Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favourite 'fast food' when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously.. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'home,'' I explained. !
'Mum cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I DID like it.'
By this time, the lad was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I'd figured his system could have handled it:
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore jeans, set foot on a golf course, travelled out of the country or had a credit card.
My parents never drove me to school... I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 10 PM, after playing the national anthem and epilogue; it came back on the air at about 6 am. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people...
Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --My brother delivered a newspaper, seven days a week.
He had to get up at 6 every morning.
Film stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the films. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or almost anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend:
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old lemonade bottle.
In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea.
She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Headlight dip-switches on the floor of the car.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Trouser leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heated on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn indicators.
Older Than Dirt Quiz:
Count all the ones that you remember, not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom
1. Sweet cigarettes
2. Coffee shops with juke boxes
3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles
4. Party lines on the telephone
5. Newsreels before the movie
6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning.
(There were only 2 channels [if you were fortunate])
7. Peashooters
8. 33 rpm records
9. 45 RPM records
10. Hi-fi's
11. Metal ice trays with levers
12. Blue flashbulb
13. Cork popguns
14. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young
If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older
If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age
If you remembered 11-14 = You're positively ancient!
I must be 'positively ancient' but those memories are some of the best parts of my life
 
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