Post your jokes and humor here.

Post your jokes and humor here.
 
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration…You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit...'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I'd like a new suit…”

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see... size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That's right, how you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years..!” the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let's see... size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha..! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18-years-old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”
 
That's a good one robs ss. Well I just watched the movie Jaws again & there were many things I'd missed or forgotten about. Like when they are loading up the boat and getting ready to shove off, Robert Shaw's character quotes this limerick: Here lies the body of Mary Lee. Died at the age of 103. For 15 years she kept her virginity. Not a bad record for this vicinity!! Then as they are motoring out of the marina he can be heard saying..... If they don't like you going out, they'll love you coming in. That guy sure did a really good job with that role.
 
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I went for a job as a lumberjack..
The fella asks: "Have you any experience?"
I said: "Have you heard of the Sahara Forest?"
He said: "You mean Sahara Desert!" Face with raised eyebrow
I said: "Yeah, well that's what they call it now!"
 
is this a violation of truth in advertizing laws?
 

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A woman walks into a bar with a duck sitting on her shoulder.

She sits at the bar and orders a drink.

As the bartender sets her drink on the bar he asks "Where did you get the pig?"

She replies "That's a duck".

The bartender says "I was talking to the duck"!
 
A woman walks into a bar with a duck sitting on her shoulder.

She sits at the bar and orders a drink.

As the bartender sets her drink on the bar he asks "Where did you get the pig?"

She replies "That's a duck".

The bartender says "I was talking to the duck"!
Bloke walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
"That's an unusual pet" says the barman "what's it's name?"
"Tiny" replied the bloke.
"Tiny?" asks the barman "why would you name him that?"
"Because..." says the bloke "he's my newt!"
 
Bloke walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
"That's an unusual pet" says the barman "what's it's name?"
"Tiny" replied the bloke.
"Tiny?" asks the barman "why would you name him that?"
"Because..." says the bloke "he's my newt!"
as if on cue, this we spotted in sister’s front garden, should be hibernating I’d thought
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
Have had a glass of rum handed to me at hockey team camp party with one those paddling in my drink … others suffered same indignity and our goalie drank his …. proof goalies from other dimension ….
 
Have had a glass of rum handed to me at hockey team camp party with one those paddling in my drink … others suffered same indignity and our goalie drank his …. proof goalies from other dimension ….
They don't drink much just flic it out and don't waste a good beer.
 
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