Post your jokes and humor here.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Voodooo
  • Start date Start date
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other
is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes and the engines start up.

The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some
sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory.

As it begins to look as though the plane will plough into the water,
panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too
late and we're all gonna die."
 
Two Clever Nuns
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There were two nuns.
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to violate us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
image002.gif

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty...
say two Hail Marys!
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mean gene said:
Who's pitching and who's catching?
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mean gene said:
If your were that ugly why would you call yourself a "woman"?
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You wouldn't.
You would call yourself Kim or Terry or Pat or Chris cause' you gotta be working the swing shft.
As far as position on the team?
I don't know and I don't want to know...but consider this photo next time you are having a bad day.
One, maybe even all of them has a gynecologist, and it's not you!
See?
Your day sure got brighter!
 
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