Post your jokes and humor here.

I remember the old night soil men (sh it kickers) in my younger days they had a crew of 3 one driver and 2 carriers of the tins one of the carriers changed my neighbours place carrying the full tin over his shoulder and an empty tin on his side he would come through the back yard of my neighbours place jump our fence to do our out house, I never forget this day as he jumped over the fence the bottom of the soil tin he had on his shoulder just came apart, I was out in the yard at the time and sh it and sawdust just dropped all over his shoulder and down the side of his body, I just pissed myself laughing but it didn't faze him at all and he just changed our soil tin and walked down the side of the house to the truck, I was about 9 years old at the time.
We didn't get connected to sewage till 73.
 
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition...
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because you were born in August, but your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, you f*****g' idiot."
 
cjandme said:
Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition...
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ... and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.
"Grandma," he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said,
"Because you were born in August, but your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, you f*****g' idiot."
Click to expand...

I expected the punch line to be " because they knew where the stones were!" But yours is better.

Slick

That joke reminds me of this one ....

Years ago, Tom Landry, head coach of the Dallas Cowboys, and his counterpart Bum Phillips of the Houston Oilers, were fishing in a small boat. They ran out of bait, and Bum Philips said "I'll get
more," and knowing where the stones were jumped out of the boat and ran across the water to a nearby bait shop, and returned across the water the same way.

They later ran out of bait again. Tom Landry said "I guess it's my turn to get bait." He jumped out of the boat and promptly went under. When he came up gasping for air, Phillips hauled him into the boat.

After Landry regained his breath and composure, he said, "Bum, don't tell anybody in Dallas about this, they all think I can walk on water!"

"Agreed!" Said Phillips, "If you don't tell anyone in Houston that I saved your ass!"
 
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Post your jokes and humor here.
 
🤣
 

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baz said:
🤣🤣
Click to expand...
A real-life version of this played out a bit over 30 years ago.
I was sitting at an after work beer & cheese session with a female engineer (well endowed) I had known for 3 or 4 years.
After a break in the conversation I said "I bet I can make your tits wobble without touching them."
She said "Okay"
I added "You have to sit very still so that I can concentrate."
I put 20 cents on the table then "concentrated" very hard for about 15 seconds before reaching across the table and manually "wobbling" them - stating "you win!"
She thought it was hilarious - her older & uglier workmate didn't and castigated me mercilessly.

...of course now I am older and (ahem!) wiser. ;)
Cheers
 
robs ss said:
A real-life version of this played out a bit over 30 years ago.
I was sitting at an after work beer & cheese session with a female engineer (well endowed) I had known for 3 or 4 years.
After a break in the conversation I said "I bet I can make your tits wobble without touching them."
She said "Okay"
I added "You have to sit very still so that I can concentrate."
I put 20 cents on the table then "concentrated" very hard for about 15 seconds before reaching across the table and manually "wobbling" them - stating "you win!"
She thought it was hilarious - her older & uglier workmate didn't and castigated me mercilessly.

...of course now I am older and (ahem!) wiser. ;)
Cheers
Click to expand...
Now that you are wiser Rob you no longer would wait 15 seconds lol.
 
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