- Joined
- May 21, 2011
- Messages
- 433
So this nice young lady and her ernest beau get married. Over the years she becomes a sweet middle aged lady and the husband gets passed over for promotion, and in fact really cant handle much so he is relegated to minor roles and often gets sacked from his jobs and becomes more and more bitter and takes it out on the wife. He calls her stupid and a fat cow and takes to going to the tavern every night and coming home drunk and even meaner until he passes out and goes to sleep. The fact that people just love her makes it worse.
So the lady decides to get a pet to sit with her in the evening since she is always alone. She goes to the pet store and they happen to be pretty low on stock, but the owner says "You know what, I do have this really nice bird but you have to understand him and be careful with him". So he gets the bird out of his cage and it immediately flies over and sits on the woman's shoulder and starts to nibble her ear and rub his head on her cheek and coo. She really likes the bird too, so she says "OK, I would like to buy him, but what so special about him?"
So the owner puts the bird back in the cage and takes the lady out of the room and says softly "OK, here is the deal. The bird is $400, but he is a very special bird, he is a Buzz bird."
The lady replies in a normal tone of voice "A Busss....." and the pet store owner pus his hard over her mouth to stop her from saying Buzz Bird.
The store owner profusely apologizes for touching the lady, and finishes with "Again, lady I am SO sorry, but you CANNOT say his type without understanding this, but look, lets go in the alley and I'll show you. Let's get the bird but you have to not say a word."
So they step out in the alley with the Buzz bird. The business across the alley is an estate sale place so old junk ends up in the alley. The store owner points out a crappy stained fold out sofa bed and says softly "Buzz bird, sofa bed" and the bird looks around, sees the sofa bed and flies to it like a dart and just chews it up with its beak like a chain saw. In 2 minutes the sofa bed is a pile of sawdust, with metal flakes and minute pieces of thread that was the fabric. The lady is astounded. The pet store owner says" And THAT is why you cant say THAT!."
The lady says, "Wow that is a valuable bird! And sweet too, I'll take him." By the time she gets a cage, and a cover and food and all, it is about $800.
So the husband comes home from work and he has already been drinking. He sits down at the table to get dinner, but he looks into the front room and sees the bird. He says "...hell is THAT thing...."
And she says "a very nice bird to keep me company in the day. He sings and is very nice. He wont take up much room."
The husband starts to get agitated and says, "I hope it was free....."
She replies sweetly "Ohhhh no, it was about $800 all together and it was a real steal, I used my money from when my mother passed. Remember, you would not go to her funeral and said it was because she was a fat bitch like me?"
Now the husband goes off like a volcano. "$800 for a f-ing bird, are you f-ing stupid, no I know you are a fat stupid idiot, I just didn't know HOW stupid."
And she calmly says "oh no honey, it is a valuable bird, it is a Buzz Bird."
And he looks at her with an unbelieving expression and sputters..."You have GOT to be kidding me $800 for a bird, I dont care WHAT it is... And a what, a f-ing Buzz bird, well Buzz Bird my ass......"
So the lady decides to get a pet to sit with her in the evening since she is always alone. She goes to the pet store and they happen to be pretty low on stock, but the owner says "You know what, I do have this really nice bird but you have to understand him and be careful with him". So he gets the bird out of his cage and it immediately flies over and sits on the woman's shoulder and starts to nibble her ear and rub his head on her cheek and coo. She really likes the bird too, so she says "OK, I would like to buy him, but what so special about him?"
So the owner puts the bird back in the cage and takes the lady out of the room and says softly "OK, here is the deal. The bird is $400, but he is a very special bird, he is a Buzz bird."
The lady replies in a normal tone of voice "A Busss....." and the pet store owner pus his hard over her mouth to stop her from saying Buzz Bird.
The store owner profusely apologizes for touching the lady, and finishes with "Again, lady I am SO sorry, but you CANNOT say his type without understanding this, but look, lets go in the alley and I'll show you. Let's get the bird but you have to not say a word."
So they step out in the alley with the Buzz bird. The business across the alley is an estate sale place so old junk ends up in the alley. The store owner points out a crappy stained fold out sofa bed and says softly "Buzz bird, sofa bed" and the bird looks around, sees the sofa bed and flies to it like a dart and just chews it up with its beak like a chain saw. In 2 minutes the sofa bed is a pile of sawdust, with metal flakes and minute pieces of thread that was the fabric. The lady is astounded. The pet store owner says" And THAT is why you cant say THAT!."
The lady says, "Wow that is a valuable bird! And sweet too, I'll take him." By the time she gets a cage, and a cover and food and all, it is about $800.
So the husband comes home from work and he has already been drinking. He sits down at the table to get dinner, but he looks into the front room and sees the bird. He says "...hell is THAT thing...."
And she says "a very nice bird to keep me company in the day. He sings and is very nice. He wont take up much room."
The husband starts to get agitated and says, "I hope it was free....."
She replies sweetly "Ohhhh no, it was about $800 all together and it was a real steal, I used my money from when my mother passed. Remember, you would not go to her funeral and said it was because she was a fat bitch like me?"
Now the husband goes off like a volcano. "$800 for a f-ing bird, are you f-ing stupid, no I know you are a fat stupid idiot, I just didn't know HOW stupid."
And she calmly says "oh no honey, it is a valuable bird, it is a Buzz Bird."
And he looks at her with an unbelieving expression and sputters..."You have GOT to be kidding me $800 for a bird, I dont care WHAT it is... And a what, a f-ing Buzz bird, well Buzz Bird my ass......"
