Post your jokes and humor here.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Voodooo
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Post your jokes and humor here.
 
A guy came home to find his girlfriend crying. He asked what’s wrong. She said, “I was talking to the neighbors today, and they said you’re a pedophile.” “Pedophile!”, he replied angrily, “That’s a pretty big word for a ten year old!”
 
Two friends are eating lunch together. One says, "Oh man, I've never been more embarrassed. Yesterday, I went to order two buss tickets to Pittsburgh and the ticket lady had the biggest boobs i've ever seen! I tried to say "Can i please have two tickets to Pittsburgh," but I was so nervous I accidentally said 'Can I please have two Pickets to Tittsburgh?" The other replies, "Don't worry, bud, this kind of thing happens all the time. Its called a Freudian slip. Actually, just this morning I meant to say to my wife "Honey, please pass the salt" But what came out was "You fat bitch you ruined my life"
 
A drunken man who reeked of alcohol sat down on a subway next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained; his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his top coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
 
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