Post your jokes and humor here.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Voodooo
  • Start date Start date
🤔
 

Attachments

  • Post your jokes and humor here.
    IMG-20231004-WA0004.webp
    72.9 KB · Views: 175
That's funny right there. I happen to like and respect BMW's, however that has not always been the case.
Story time... 25+ years at a Ski Club meeting there was this new cute gal I thought had possibilties.
We chatted it up awhile and wound up walking out together to the parking lot at the end of the meeting.
Me being the shallow, self centered individual was curious what she drove. We went seperate directions and I couldn't see.
I was way in the back so I semi Sprinted to the car, fired it up and hightailed to the exit.
I pulled up next to a car and sure enough it was her, my heart sank as I said, oh no, she drives a Beemer...
Even funnier, she was on her cell phone with a girl friend and says, oh no, he drives a Corvette. And says, 'that's either really good or really bad.'
Two years later we married and have been ever since.

Post Script Edit... She now drives a Mid Size SUV, I drive a Pick up. My how times have changed...😁😁
 
Last edited:
MichaelB said:
That's funny right there. I happen to like and respect BMW's, however that has not always been the case.
Story time... 25+ years at a Ski Club meeting there was this new cute gal I thought had possibilties.
We chatted it up awhile and wound up walking out together to the parking lot at the end of the meeting.
Me being the shallow, self centered individual was curious what she drove. We went seperate directions and I couldn't see.
I was way in the back so I semi Sprinted to the car, fired it up and hightailed to the exit.
I pulled up next to a car and sure enough it was her, my heart sank as I said, oh no, she drives a Beemer...
Even funnier, she was on her cell phone with a girl friend and says, oh no, he drives a Corvette. And says, 'that's either really good or really bad.'
Two years later we married and have been ever since.

Post Script Edit... She now drives a Mid Size SUV, I drive a Pick up. My how times have changed...😁😁
Click to expand...
There's a bloke down our street that drives a Volvo
We don't say anything
He's mostly treated like a regular bloke
 
A mate of mine was challenged by his wife "Craig, are you listening to me?"

"Sure I am darl, but it's kind of like listening to waves crash on the beach. If you asked me exactly what the last one sounded like, I couldn't really tell you!"

He's still alive.
 
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . ....................... even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
 
cjandme said:
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again. The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . ....................... even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.
Click to expand...
That’s very funny! Haven’t heard it before.
 
Sooo...I asked my wife why she married me. She said "Because you're Funny". I said " I thought it was because I was good in bed". She said " See? You're Hilarious!".

And Then Later My Daughter says "Dad, I have a flat tire". I said "Can't you call your husband"? Then My Daughter said " I tried, but he didn't answer". So I said " Do you have a spare?" Then she said " He didn't answer either". :o
 
cjandme said:
Sooo...I asked my wife why she married me. She said "Because you're Funny". I said " I thought it was because I was good in bed". She said " See? You're Hilarious!".

And Then Later My Daughter says "Dad, I have a flat tire". I said "Can't you call your husband"? Then My Daughter said " I tried, but he didn't answer". So I said " Do you have a spare?" Then she said " He didn't answer either". :eek:
Click to expand...
It’s finally stopped raining. Noah docks the ark and gives the animals a pep talk about multiplying and replenishing. The animals gallop off the ark. Noah makes one last walk through the ark when he hears sobbing sounds coming from a wee corner. He finds two little snakes, crying their eyes out.

“What’s wrong, little ones?” says Noah

One snake answers, “We can’t multiply! We’re adders!”

So Noah goes out and fells the largest pine tree he can find. He splits it into planks, then planes them smooth. He cuts the planks into boards and builds a picnic table. He gets the snakes and places them on the table.

He says, “There you go, little ones. With a log table, even adders can multiply!”
 
Back
Top