Ïîíðàâèëîñü ìíå

Joined
Sep 20, 2006
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1
Äîáðîãî âðåìåíè ñóòîê!


1. Åñëè òû äóìàåøü, ÷òî òû ðàñòîëñòåëà, òî ýòî ñêîðåå âñåãî ïðàâäà.
Íå ñïðàøèâàé íàñ, ìû îòêàçûâàåìñÿ îòâå÷àòü.
2. Íàó÷èñü óïðàâëÿòü ñèäåíüåì óíèòàçà. Åñëè îíî ïîäíÿòî, îïóñòè åãî.
3. Íå äåëàé ñòðèæêó. Íèêîãäà. Äëèííûå âîëîñû âñåãäà ïðèâëåêàòåëüíåå
êîðîòêèõ. Îäíà èç îñíîâíûõ ïðè÷èí, èç-çà êîòîðûõ ìóæ÷èíû íå æåíÿòñÿ -
ýòî òî, ÷òî çàìóæíèå æåíùèíû âñåãäà äåëàþò ñòðèæêó, à ê ýòîìó âðåìåíè
òåáå óæå íèêóäà îò íåå íå äåòüñÿ.
4. Äíè ðîæäåíèÿ, ñâÿòîãî Âàëåíòèíà è þáèëåè - ýòî íå êðåñòîâûå ïîõîäû â
ïîèñêàõ î÷åðåäíîãî áåçóïðå÷íîãî ïîäàðêà!
5. Åñëè òû çàäàåøü âîïðîñ, íà êîòîðûé òåáå íå íóæåí îòâåò, áóäü ãîòîâà
óñëûøàòü îòâåò, êîòîðûé òåáå íå õîòåëîñü áû ñëûøàòü.
6. Èíîãäà ìû äóìàåì íå î òåáå. Ñìèðèñü ñ ýòèì.
7. Íèêîãäà íå ñïðàøèâàé íàñ, î ÷åì ìû äóìàåì, åñëè òû íå ãîòîâà
îáñóäèòü òàêèå ïðîáëåìû, êàê ìóñîð â ïóïêå, ñòðåëüáó èç äðîáîâèêà è
àâòîãîíêè.
8. Âîñêðåñåíüå = ñïîðò. Ýòî êàê ïîëíîëóíèå èëè ïðèëèâ. Äà áóäåò òàê.
9. Ïîêóïêè - ýòî íå ñïîðò, è ìû ÍÈÊÎÃÄÀ íå áóäåì äóìàòü èíà÷å.
10. Êîãäà ìû êóäà-íèáóäü ñîáèðàåìñÿ, âñå, ÷òî òû íàäåíåøü - ïðîñòî
ïðåêðàñíî. Ñåðüåçíî.
11. Ó òåáÿ äîñòàòî÷íî îäåæäû.
12. Ó òåáÿ ñëèøêîì ìíîãî îáóâè.
13. Ïëà÷ - ýòî øàíòàæ.
14. Òâîé áûâøèé âîçëþáëåííûé - èäèîò.
15. Ïðîñè òî, ÷åãî õî÷åòñÿ. Íóæíî ïîíÿòü âîò ÷òî: Òîíêèå íàìåêè íå
ïîìîãàþò, òîëñòûå íàìåêè íå ïîìîãàþò, ÿñíûå íàìåêè íå ïîìîãàþò. Ïðîñòî
ÑÊÀÆÈ.
16. Íåò, ìû íå çíàåì, êàêîé ñåãîäíÿ äåíü. È íèêîãäà íå áóäåì çíàòü.
Îòìåòü âñå þáèëåè â êàëåíäàðå.
17. Äà, ïèñàòü ñòîÿ òðóäíåå, ïîýòîìó ìû íåèçáåæíî áóäåì èíîãäà
ïðîìàõèâàòüñÿ.
18. Ó áîëüøèíñòâà ìóæ÷èí òðè ïàðû îáóâè. ×òî äàåò òåáå ïîâîä äóìàòü,
÷òî ìû ìîæåì ïîìî÷ü òåáå âûáðàòü îäíó ïàðó èç òâîèõ òðèäöàòè, êîòîðàÿ
èäåàëüíî ïîäîéäåò ê òâîåìó ïëàòüþ?
19. ÄÀ è ÍÅÒ - îòâåòû, êîòîðûå èäåàëüíî ïîäõîäÿò ïî÷òè ê ëþáîìó
âîïðîñó.
20. Ïðèäè ê íàì ñ ïðîáëåìîé, åñëè õî÷åøü, ÷òîáû îíà ðåøèëàñü. Äëÿ ïëà÷à
â æèëåòêó ó òåáÿ åñòü ïîäðóæêè.
21. Ãîëîâíàÿ áîëü äëèíîé â 17 ìåñÿöåâ - ýòî ñåðüåçíî. Ñõîäè ê âðà÷ó.
22. Íå ïðèòâîðÿéñÿ. Íàì ëó÷øå ÷óâñòâîâàòü ñåáÿ íåñîñòîÿòåëüíûìè, ÷åì
îáìàíûâàåìûìè.
23. Íè â òâîèõ, íè â íàøèõ èíòåðåñàõ âìåñòå ó÷àñòâîâàòü â êîíêóðñå.
24. Íåò, íå èìååò çíà÷åíèÿ, â êàêîì.
25. Âñå, ÷òî áûëî ñêàçàíî 6 ìåñÿöåâ íàçàä, íåïðèåìëåìî äëÿ ñïîðà. Âñå
ñëîâà òåðÿþò ñèëó ÷åðåç 7 äíåé.
26. Åñëè òû íå ñîãëàñíà îäåâàòüñÿ, êàê ïîäðóæêè Ïàìåëû Àíäåðñîí èç
ïîñëåäíåãî ñåðèàëà, íå òðåáóé, ÷òîáû ìû ïîñòóïàëè òàê æå áëàãîðîäíî, êàê
ìóæ÷èíû èç òîãî æå ñåðèàëà.
27. Åñëè ÷òî-íèáóäü èç ñêàçàííîãî íàìè ìîæíî ïîíÿòü äâîÿêî, è îäèí èç
ñìûñëîâ òåáÿ îãîð÷àåò èëè çëèò - çíà÷èò, ìû èìåëè â âèäó âòîðîå.
28. Íå çàïðåùàé íàì ïÿëèòüñÿ íà æåíùèí, ìû âñå ðàâíî áóäåì ýòî äåëàòü,
ýòî â ãåíàõ.
29. Íå òðè ëàìïó, åñëè òåáå íå íóæíî, ÷òîáû ïîÿâèëñÿ äæèí.
30. Òû ìîæåøü ÈËÈ ïîïðîñèòü íàñ ÷òî-òî ñäåëàòü, ÈËÈ ñêàçàòü íàì, êàê
òåáå õî÷åòñÿ, ÷òîáû ýòî áûëî ñäåëàíî - À ÍÅ ÒÎ È ÄÐÓÃÎÅ ÑÐÀÇÓ.
31. Ïî âîçìîæíîñòè, ãîâîðè âñå, ÷òî õî÷åøü ñêàçàòü, âî âðåìÿ ðåêëàìû.
32. Õðèñòîôîðó Êîëóìáó íå íóæåí áûë ïîâîäûðü, íàì òîæå.
33. Æåíùèíû, êîòîðûå íàäåëè ïîäïèðàþùèé ãðóäü áþñòãàëüòåð è áëóçêó ñ
ãëóáîêèì âûðåçîì, àâòîìàòè÷åñêè òåðÿþò ïðàâî æàëîâàòüñÿ íà òî, ÷òî
êòî-òî ïÿëèòñÿ íà èõ ñèñüêè.
34. Ïîäïèðàþùèé ãðóäü áþñòãàëüòåð è áëóçêó ñ ãëóáîêèì âûðåçîì äîëæíû
íîñèòü áîëüøå æåíùèí, íàì íðàâèòñÿ ïÿëèòüñÿ íà èõ ñèñüêè.
35. Îòíîøåíèÿ íèêîãäà íå îñòàíóòñÿ òàêèìè æå, êàê â ïåðâûå äâà ìåñÿöà
çíàêîìñòâà.
36. ÂÑÅ ìóæ÷èíû ðàçëè÷àþò 16 öâåòîâ, êàê â íàñòðîéêå Windows ïî
óìîë÷àíèþ. Ïåðñèê - ýòî ôðóêò, à íå öâåò.
37. Òûêâà - ýòî òîæå ôðóêò.
38. Åñëè ÷òî-òî ÷åøåòñÿ, òî åãî áóäóò ÷åñàòü.
39. Ïèâî òàê æå çàíèìàòåëüíî äëÿ íàñ, êàê äëÿ òåáÿ ñóìî÷êè.
40. Åñëè ýòî ÍÀØ äîì, ÿ íå ïîíèìàþ, ïî÷åìó ÌÎÈ âåùè â áåñïîðÿäêå
ñâàëèâàþòñÿ â ïîäâàëå / êëàäîâêå / íà ÷åðäàêå.
41. Ìû íå òåëåïàòû è íèêîãäà èìè íå áóäåì. Íàøà íåñïîñîáíîñòü ÷èòàòü
òâîè ìûñëè íå äîêàçûâàåò, ÷òî ìû ïëîõî îòíîñèìñÿ ê òåáå.
42. Åñëè ìû ñïðîñèëè â ÷åì äåëî, è òû ñêàçàëà: «Âñå â ïîðÿäêå», ìû
áóäåì ïîñòóïàòü ñëîâíî âñå â ïîðÿäêå. Ìû çíàåì, ÷òî òû âðåøü, íî
âûÿñíåíèå èñòèíû íå ñòîèò âîçìîæíîãî ñêàíäàëà.
43. Åñëè òû ïðîñëûøàëà îò ñâîåé ñòàðîé ïîäðóæêè î òîì, ÷òî îíà
ôèãóðèðóåò â íàøèõ ýðîòè÷åñêèõ ôàíòàçèÿõ, íå âîëíóéñÿ: ôàíòàçèè âêëþ÷àëè
òåáÿ È åå, âàñ îáåèõ ñðàçó.
44. ×òî òàêîå ñòðàçû???????!!!!!!!!



÷åëîâåêà ïîèñê


Ïîêà!
 
Joined
Dec 19, 2005
Messages
35
let me translate........


anyone know where i can source a right hand side seat knob?



hahaha,
Rick
 
Joined
Dec 5, 2005
Messages
64
Whatever,the post says, I had one but the wheels fell off.

Bazz
 
Joined
Apr 15, 2004
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Really? The last time this guy posted, someone suggested it was in Russian. So I ran item (3) above through babelfish. Here's what it said:

"Do not make hair-cutting. Never. Long hair are always more attractive than short. One of the basic reasons, because of which the men are not married -"

I'm having a hard time seeing the Norton content in this :!: :wink:

Debby
 
Joined
Oct 19, 2005
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Debby,

Does it say what you have to do if you are follicley challenged?
Perhaps a handlebar moustache might do the trick, or simply a handlebar!
 
Joined
Aug 14, 2006
Messages
1,451
dave M said:
Debby,

Does it say what you have to do if you are follicley challenged?
Perhaps a handlebar moustache might do the trick, or simply a handlebar!

I am follicley challenged. No facial hair for me though as it seems I am compensating for the lack of fuzz on my head by putting some on my face. I look lame with a goatie anyway. What is this thread about?

The language looks like Indonesian to me.
 
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Apr 15, 2004
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dave M said:
Debby,

Does it say what you have to do if you are follicley challenged?
Perhaps a handlebar moustache might do the trick, or simply a handlebar!

I don't know, I didn't translate that far!

I would say a pair of handlebars between your hands would be great mental therapy if nothing else! Especially if they're attached to a sweet-running Norton 8)

Debby
 
Joined
Sep 7, 2006
Messages
36
Actually, that is the starting sequence for my 72 Fastback on a cold morning....
 
Joined
Feb 22, 2006
Messages
200
This inscription was found on a cave wall in the far off land of Outer Nortonia, it is believed to be the final creed given by the great god NORTON to his 750 twin disciples before the heathen god from the east, HONDA, took over his lands and all other lands in the known world.

While HONDAS influence was growing in the west the great god NORTON had increased his army to 850 twin disciples but the heathen god HONDA had grown his legions to 750 fours, with no vibration :!: this was clearly a blow for the great god NORTON.

NORTON knew if he did not preach of new technology to his followers he would perish under the advance of the inscruitable HONDA, with the help of his ally the Dark Prince Lucas and the use of white mans' magic, Electricity, he made his War Chariots easier to start, but alas this did not stem the tide, again with the help of another ally, the one who could foretell the future, Lord Wankel, he made the internal workings of his War Chariots go round and round instead of up and down, but again to no avail, the onslaught from the east was overwhelming, the tide had turned, the once great god NORTONS' time had seemingly past.

The great god NORTON spake of a savior who would, after his demise, give hope to NORTONS disciples, who still ride the old War Chariots to this day, the only reference to this saviour is the two letters carved in stone at the mouth of the cave in Outer Nortonia,

K.D.

These apparent incoherent ramblings on the cave wall are Nortonia hyroglyphics, which, once translated, hold the key to a new life for the great god NORTON.

The new saviour, K.D. is the only one who can discipher these ancient writings and will face many trials along the road to ressurecting the great god NORTON, he will need encouragement (and maybe a couple of Talens of Gold) from all of NORTONS disciples to achieve this.

Here endeth the lesson.


Mike.
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2005
Messages
696
Turns out to be Russian....and have nothing to do with Nortons....I have copied it into a forum for Translators and they are playing with it now...maybe we will get a general translation of it...but I'd say it is actually a form of spam...as long as it isn't naughty and nasty....we might all learn from it something...will keep you informed as to what the other forum comes up with......
If it is just jibberish on you monitor...check for the "Character encoding" in your monitor settings...it comes out as Russian or Cyrillic anyway, if you change your setting temporarily and take a look at it.....under western and other encoding...it is indeed only jibberish...

PS...appears to be written by a woman...with a very good knowledge of males.......two of the forum members are trading quotes back and forth...but in Russian...must be "Good" information to have..... :wink:
 
Joined
Mar 19, 2005
Messages
696
Got a half way good answer....wouldn't ask any of these nice translators to translate this thing, and waste an hour on it....but one of them said it is a list of observations about the male of our species, written from the female point of view....simular to this webpage:

http://www.lotsofjokes.com/cat_206.htm


Nothing dirty...just not about Nortons. So I quess we got spammed by someone.....if the webmaster wishes to remove it, and maybe this whole thread....then he will decide to do that...... :wink:
 
Joined
Aug 26, 2006
Messages
6
Personally, I'd vote to keep the thread up just for one thing:

"The First Epistle of Prophet McManus the Elder to the Nortonians":lol:
Rosse
 
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