Post your jokes and humor here.

[concours]

 

[robs ss]

Have you guys heard the "Clocks in Heaven" joke?...or want to? It's a fairly long one.

 

[robs ss]

 

[Fast Eddie]

View attachment 119235

Might work best with a smaller pic…

 

[robs ss]

Might work best with a smaller pic…

Try squinting your eyes

 

[Richard Tool]

Try squinting your eyes

Got it now!

 

[speirmoor]

 

[baz]

 

[baz]

Luckily I have a "party 7" buried at the bottom of my garden for emergencies etc

 

[mdt-son]

View attachment 119271

Poor joke. Onya Marx lived 100 year after Carl Marx, and can hardly be his sister! Furthermore, she did not invent the starting pistol! According to one article, the starting pistol was invented by John H. Gasser in 1874.
Gasser was a Swiss army officer who was looking for a way to start races more quickly and fairly.

Who Invented the Starting Pistol?

Who Invented the Starting Pistol? The starting pistol was invented by American gunsmith John Moses Browning in 1874. It is a single-shot pistol that is fired to signal the start of a race.

www.buffalorifles.org

- Knut

 

[MikeG]

One of my coworkers is becomming paranoid. When he goes to work he thinks everyone is talking behind his back. I had to remind him we are bus drivers.

 

[robs ss]

Reminded me of...

A passenger in a taxi leaned over and tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question The driver screamed hysterically, threw both hands in the air, lost control of the cab which very nearly hit a bus coming the other way, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the still shaking driver said, “I'm terribly sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.”

The passenger, who had been thrown down across the back seat and was clutching his heart said he was sorry too and that he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten someone so much.

The driver replied, “No, no, It’s me who should be sorry, it's entirely my fault. But, you see today is my first day driving a cab.”

“I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years.”

 

[robs ss]

@baz put german for horn in another thread that brought back a memory. When I was about 15-16 my parents gave me a humorous "german" calendar with sailing terms as I was into sailing big-time. Ones that I remember were:

Bangenwerks - Boom
Puschenpullerschtick - Tiller and the best...
Der dumbkopf mit der puschenpullerschtick mit all der schreamin und shouten - Skipper

Cheers

 

[robs ss]

 

[jaydee75]

@baz put german for horn in another thread that brought back a memory. When I was about 15-16 my parents gave me a humorous "german" calendar with sailing terms as I was into sailing big-time. Ones that I remember were:

Bangenwerks - Boom
Puschenpullerschtick - Tiller and the best...
Der dumbkopf mit der puschenpullerschtick mit all der schreamin und shouten - Skipper

Cheers

I always liked the German word for brassiere ....... "keepsumfromfloppin"

 

[Richard Tool]

@baz put german for horn in another thread that brought back a memory. When I was about 15-16 my parents gave me a humorous "german" calendar with sailing terms as I was into sailing big-time. Ones that I remember were:

Bangenwerks - Boom
Puschenpullerschtick - Tiller and the best...
Der dumbkopf mit der puschenpullerschtick mit all der schreamin und shouten - Skipper

Cheers

Brings to mind a set of labels they used to make for VW dashboards -
Headlamp switch was Glimmerblinken
Wipers was Drizzleflippen
Ashtray was Schmokendunk.
Can’t recall the rest …

 

[Fast Eddie]

 

[Fast Eddie]

 

[MikeG]

View attachment 119344

Reminds me when a coworker got an inflateable love doll patch kit in the mail...big bold letters on the envelope for all the world to see cant imagine who sent it to him...

 

[daveforty]

View attachment 119344

is that the deluxe version with real hair?