Post your jokes and humor here.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Voodooo
  • Start date Start date
Bike mechanic:
Jaydee
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
Dave and a couple of his mates had been planning a fishing trip for a couple of months. On the day before they were due to leave he told them that he couldn't go because his wife wouldn't let him. He said it was OK, and that they should go anyway. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Dave headed home, frustrated.

The following afternoon when Dave's mates arrived at the dam to set up camp, they were surprised to see Dave was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rods leaning against his tent, and a camp fire glowing.

"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Dave?"

"I didn't have to," Dave replied.

“Well then, how…?”

Dave explained, “Yesterday, after I left you blokes, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the old lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."

"When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful lacy see-through negligee, holding some rope and she said, 'Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'.....

So, here I am…!"
 
Three Aussie blokes working up on an outback mobile phone tower: Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.

As they start their descent, Coot slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bluey says, 'Hey mate, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife..

Mongrel says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.'

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Beer.

Bluey says, 'Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?
'
'Coot's wife gave it to me,' Mongrel replies.

'That's unbelievable, you told the Missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?'

'Well, not exactly', Mongrel says.

'When she answered the door, I said to her, "you must be Coot's widow."

She said, 'You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow.'

Then I said, 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are.'

Aussies are good at that sensitive stuff
 
Is Hell exothermic and gives off heat, or endothermic and absorbs heat?
Its a famous bonus question to an exam. Most students would would simply use Boyle's Law, that states that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed. But one student wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time, and we also need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
-If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

-If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Terese during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct, leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why last night Terese kept shouting "Oh, my God!"
 
Back
Top