Post your jokes and humor here.

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Backyard Philosophy
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
Unknown Author
 
MichaelB said:
Backyard Philosophy
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.
Unknown Author
Click to expand...
You cracked that nut!
 
Post your jokes and humor here.
 
Another one from my cousin Graham: It goes like this: ...... While waiting at the bus stop one day, I noticed an oldish woman with a young girl hurrying for the bus, so I asked the driver to wait. The young girl ran ahead and then the woman shouted to the girl " Degree wait for me". I was amazed at hearing that name and being curious, I took a seat near them on the bus. So... after about a minute or so, I said to the woman "Never heard that name before". The woman laughed and said " I sent her mother off to University and this is what she brought home" :)
 
cjandme said:
Another one from my cousin Graham: It goes like this: ...... While waiting at the bus stop one day, I noticed an oldish woman with a young girl hurrying for the bus, so I asked the driver to wait. The young girl ran ahead and then the woman shouted to the girl " Degree wait for me". I was amazed at hearing that name and being curious, I took a seat near them on the bus. So... after about a minute or so, I said to the woman "Never heard that name before". The woman laughed and said " I sent her mother off to University and this is what she brought home" :)
Click to expand...
Ha! - thanks. Reminds me of one I posted a few years ago:
A man was waiting at a bus station when an elderly American Indian and his wife came into the station and sat close-by.
There was no-one else at the station so the man started a somewhat stilted conversation with the old Indian.
After a while he asked what the name of the Indian’s wife was.
“Her name Five Horses” the old man replied.
“Five Horses? That’s a different name. I don’t think I’ve heard that name before.” The man said.
“It old Indian name… it mean nag, nag, nag, nag, nag!”
 
It's all in how you say it:

Mr bus driver! Stop the bus and let my brother Jack off.

or

Mr bus driver! stop the bus and let my brother jackoff
 
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