Jack dies and finds himself in hell.
Devil: Hi Jack! Welcome to hell. Don't worry, this place isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be.
For example, do you like to smoke?
Jack: Well, yeah, I do.
Devil: Good! You are going to like Mondays. On Mondays, we bring in the best tobacco from all over the world .... Havana cigars, Turkish cigarettes, only the best .... you name it.
Do you like to drink?
Jack: Well yeah!
Devil: Man, you are going to like Tuesdays. On Tuesdays, we bring in the best liquors from all aver the world ..... what's your pleasure? Single malt scotch, finest wines, Champaign, best beers, you name it. Do you like to party?
Jack: Oh yeah, Man, I do!
Devil: Man, you are going to like Wednesdays. On Wednesday, we bring in the world's best entertainment. Chorus girls from Vegas, Geishas from Japan, Live music from the best who have passed. Man if you like partys, you are going to like Wednesdays! Say, are you gay?
Jack: Hell no! Oh begging your pardon sir, not me, no way, I'm straight as an arrow, sir.
Devil: Hmm.... You are not going to like Thursdays!