A policeman pulls over a speeding car. He says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver replies, "There must be some mistake, Officer, I had the cruise control set to 50. Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Don't be silly, dear. You know this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket the man looks at her and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful that your radar detector went off when it did."
As the policeman writes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth: "Damn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns. "And I notice you're not wearing your seat belt, sir." That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, I had it on but took it off when you pulled me over so I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
As the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??!!"
The officer looks at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh no," she replied.
"Only when he's been drinking."