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Lineslinger

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robs ss

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“I love deadlines.

I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”




Douglas Noël Adams (11th March 1952 – 11th May 2001)
 
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Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who escaped from jail......there was a small medium at large..:D
 

robs ss

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WHY MEN DON'T WRITE ADVICE COLUMNS...

Dear Ted,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with the lady from next door making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and, we have been married for twelve years.
When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Susie Fox



Dear Susie,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto the inlet manifold for air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburettor float chamber.

If you carefully go through the above checks your car shouldn’t conk out again soon.

I hope this helps.

Ted
 
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“Is it genetically impossible for a man to keep silent while his partner parallel parks?”—— a round table discussion to follow in next week’s mens group.
 

robs ss

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A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The Manager said he will be happy to arrange a loan but will need some kind of security for the loan. The blonde pulls from her purse a set of Ferrari keys and hands them to the Manager. She tells him the car, an F40, is parked on the street in front of the bank and that she has the title and everything checks out. After some checks he agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The Manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and interest which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionairess. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
 
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