Post your jokes and humor here.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Voodooo
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Ernie had gone to town for a few items and, while he was there, noticed his favourite R M Williams boots were on sale so he bought a pair.

When he had got home and unloaded everything, he went into the kitchen and after greeting his wife, asked her, “Do notice anything?”

She scratches her head and asks, “I dunno, did you get a haircut?”

“No!” Ernie replied, somewhat annoyed, “Wait there!”

He went into the laundry and stripped off, save his boots.

Returning to the kitchen he asks, “Notice anything now?”

His wife looks him up and down and says, “Well, it’s pointing down, like it does a lot these days!”

“That’s because it’s looking at my NEW BOOTS!” an exasperated Ernie replied.

She replied, “Shoulda bought a new hat!”
 
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Two friends went into a bakery. One of them sneakily took three pastries without the shopkeeper noticing and boasted about how clever he was for not getting caught.

The other friend said, “That’s not the right way to do things. Let me show you a clever but honest way to get pastries.”

He asked the bakery owner for a pastry to perform a magic trick. The owner was curious and gave him one. The friend ate the pastry and then asked for two more, which he also ate.

The bakery owner, now puzzled, asked, “Where’s the magic trick?”

The clever friend said, “Check my friend’s pocket.
 
My grandkids loved that one.
CJ, where do you come up with these...?
Well....I work with other old guys who are retired from active duty (we have a mix of (army, air force, navy, and the marine corps too), and also young soldiers assigned to the Aviation Battalion, so.....we all talk a bunch of smack...some of it I refrain from posting because ....um....well let's just say that it wouldn't be good to retell some of what we say here in the shop to your grandkids. :rolleyes: Like for example: What's the difference between non-alcoholic beer and eatin' out your sister....nothin'... they both taste the same but it's just wrong.
 
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Well....I work with other old guys who are retired from active duty (we have a mix of (army, air force, navy, and the marine corps too), and also young soldiers assigned to the Aviation Battalion, so.....we all talk a bunch of smack...some of it I refrain from posting because ....um....well let's just say that it wouldn't be good to retell some of what we say here in the shop to your grandkids. :rolleyes: Like for example: What's the difference between non-alcoholic beer and eatin' out your sister....nothin'... they both taste the same but it's just wrong.
Wouldn't it depend on how hot your sister was?
Time of the month etc etc??
 
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