Funny Stories While Deer Hunting

A post on the 'Low Blow' thread reminded me of this story. So let's start another thread.

We had a guy on our hunting lease who we called 'Hippy', but he was just a long haired redneck.

It was the night before deer season opened, and we all gathered at the old barn we called a camp house, for the camaraderie, seeing old friends again after nearly a year's hiatus, and the expectation of seeing big racks in the morning. All present, except Hippy.

It was about 8:30 pm when Hippy arrived, and he promptly announced that he had to go to Houston to buy a new deer rifle. After we quizzed him why he waited until evening before opening day, he finally showed us his rifle. It had a broken stock, and the scope was bent into a bow .... Hippy said it fell off the refrigerator, then left for Houston. Needless to say, none of us bought that 'refrigerator' story.

The funny part came about 3 weeks later, Hippy and I were the only ones at the camp house. I said "Hey Hip, you still dating that little blond gal?"
Hippy: "No man, I threw her ass out after she threw my rifle at me!"
Me: "Hippy, I think it was more like this ... you gathered up your stuff and left."
Hippy: "Well, yeah, it was like that."
Me: "And it all started when she said, "Hunting? You're going hunting, .... again"?
Hippy: "Yeah, that's what she said, and I said, "damn right, I am""
Me: "That's when she picked up the rifle by the muzzle, and flung it at you!"
Hippy: "How'd you know that? That is exactly how it happened. I was on one side of the bed, she on the other, the rifle on the bed. Picked it up by the muzzle, reared back and flung it .... that thing came at me head high, swapping ends like the blades of a brush hog."

Slick

I always enjoyed taking that early shot opening morning while my still drunk partner slept off his hangover slouched in the corner next to me.
Over the years we sat there and watched too many deer get spooked because of his booming farts (in a wooden box blind) or his loudspeaker snoring.
When awoken by my a rifle going off it would scare him so badly I thought was going to cry! Then he would get really mad at me for scaring him, MFing' me up, down and sideways. I would always retort "are you up here to sleep or to hunt!?" "Why didn't you wake me up!!" "There wasn't time!!!" "Oh FU there was too!!" "Nooooo, there was not!! Every year, year after year, me or one of the other guys, same story.

Then he got quadruple bypass.
We now, under orders from his wife, have to wake him gently because he is snoring so loudly, or roust him before shooting, because everyone is terrified of scaring him into having a heart attack.
Now we draw straws to see who has to hunt with "Bob".

So there’s no more open season on Bob?

The part about scaring someone at the sound of a rifle report reminded me of this one ....
All the guys would return to the camp house for lunch at mid day. One of the guys was frying up eggs at the cook stove which was located in a corner of the old barn. At the same time, Johnny walked up outside, spotted a deer, leaned against the corner of the barn to steady himself for the shot. Neither Johnny nor the guy cooking knew the other was there. There was only 3 feet distance and a single layer of 3/4 pine siding between them.

The guys who were in the camp house said eggs flew everywhere at the sound of the shot.

Slick

A guy I used to work with went bowhunting for deer on some rented ground. He was up in the stand early one morning when a huge buck with a rack like an upside-down chair walked directly under him and stopped to sniff his tree. Nervously, his heart pounding with buck fever, he nocked an arrow and leaned over to shoot directly downwards. As he leaned over, he lost grip on the arrow and it dropped harmlessly onto the buck's back and of course, the buck spooked and took off like a jet. Disgusted, he threw his bow on the ground and when he did that, his tree stand broke and he fell, which wouldn't have been so bad, but one leg was caught up in the stand and the leg broke in several places as he spun downward, hitting his head on the tree and knocking himself unconscious for several minutes. After he awoke, he had to do one of those vertical crunchers and extract the broken leg from the twisted remains of the tree stand. When he finally got loose, he dropped the last few feet to the ground and knocked himself out again. After waking up in a painful haze for the second time that morning, he began crawling back towards his truck to call for help. A local farmer saw him in the distance and thought he was a wounded deer crawling. He grabbed his shotgun, jumped on a 4-wheeler and headed out into the field. Luckily for my friend, he was recognized as human before any shots were fired. The farmer took him back to his house where an ambulance was dispatched and his leg was later pinned and casted. His face was purple for a week where he hit the tree on the way down and someone stole the bow before anyone could get back out there to retrieve it. Since the leg had been broken previously in a fall at work, the Ortho Doc told him "break it one more time and it's coming off." Not really funny, but true.

OK, over this side of the pond we don’t participate as such in hunting stuff, but we do have deer and they belong to someone, somewhere, so they’re not for taking at will.

one night, the son of a colleague at work, drove his car into his dad’s driveway.
Dad, I hit a deer with the car.
What did you do with the deer? asked dad.
I stuck it in the boot of the car said son.
good news thinks dad, we’ll butcher it and stick it in the freezer and tell no-one.
they opened the boot and leant in to pull the carcase out.
as they did, so the dazed deer, looked at them, blinked, shook its head and jumped out into the night and ran away.

This fella looking up at me , while I was taking photo from our back porch , don’t need a camp or leased hunting rights here , they getting common as robins in our small town , becoming a traffic hazard too , big reason I no longer ride just before and after sundown , may have posted photo before as it a few years old , saw him last winter ( much larger and fuller) around Christmas Time late at night eating boughs our across the street neighbour was using as decorations

hobot used to hunt deer with a Commando and SV650, and his body !

Me and half a dozen neighbours spent a day deer hunting. Nothing shot.
Came home. Wife said she had hit and killed a deer with her car.

First hunt with the old man, I was 12 and he'd just gifted me the .410 he had when he was my age. He was hunting moose, I wasn't hitting anything with that pop gun but still having fun. Anyway, first morning I was up early shooting branches, logs just to have fun, I hear him call out from behind me and turned straight around without thinking. Muzzled him. I didn't know any better at the time. Before I had made a complete 180 his right hand was already out to grab the barrel while his left connected a solid backhand upside my head. Knocked me flat on my ass. First and only time I ever made that mistake with a firearm

Once I inadvertently hunted a deer with my Honda NTV650 at around 60 mph early one morning on the edge of Exeter.
Hurt me, killed the deer and wrote off my bike.
I was immediately nicknamed 'Deerhunter' by my workmates.
I used to live on the edge of Dartmoor where many deer (Roe and Red) run wild in ever increasing numbers.
It has got difficult to get rifle licences to help keep their number in check. There are no natural preditors.
My daughter also hit deer on two separate occasions in her car. It must be genetic!
Lovely animals but dangerous to road users, especially bikers.
Andy

Natural predators. Don't you have foxes in Devon? Some years ago, our foxes got a decease so most of them died. On my 15 acre field, where you normally could see two deer, I once counted to 17. It's estimated that foxes takes about 30% of the deer population.
I'm not a fast shooter. Hunting deer in dense bushes gives you very short time for shooting. Once managed to shoot one moving very slow.
It had obviously been in a road accident. Horn broken off. One leg broken hanging only in its skin. Later found that another leg had been broken but had grown together. Felt good to have ended its misery.

In my younger days myself and a few mates were out west at Tara out in the middle of nowhere pig shooting well the first morning everyone was up early before sunrise, but one mate we use to call Eddie was still asleep in the front of his old Bedford truck, we tried to wake him without any response so we left him to sleep, well while we were walking through the rugged bush, I was standing still to take a shot when I looked down and a big king brown snake was slivering in between my spread legs minding its own business, I got such a fright as they are a very deadly snake and out in the middle of nowhere you be dead before any help, as it moved away I blew its head off as the heart was pumping, I grabbed the dead snake and took it back to camp with us, we got back and Eddie was still sound asleep so I put the dead snake in a roll on the floor of his truck so when he opened his eyes the first thing he would see was the snake, well we were all around the camp fire having a cuppa when all hell broke lose and Eddie shooting his rife off inside his truck, we were all pissing ourself with laugher and that's when he relized what we had done, four or five shots through the floor of his truck and one messed up dead, dead snake, he never did sleep in after that and the truck had them holes in the floor for many years after, very fond memories of Eddie he was killed in a bike crash just down the road from my place over 35 years ago, we had a lot of good times together.

Ashley

Nothing works better than watching your crabby old uncle Harvey crawl into his bunk after his two nephews (my cousin and I) had put a snake in his sleeping bag.
And Gawd was he afraid of snakes.

My Gram hated snakes.

When I was 11, I got a very nice (I thought) rubber replica of a rattler coiled to strike with its head up, tongue out.

So I took it to her house when I spent the night, and put in her big old Federalist four-poster bed under the sheets, as she always turned them back before bed. The head popped up and the tongue wagged when you lifted the sheet.

Oh, god, the scream. And the tongue lashing I got.

All worth it.

She hated it, but we had a good laugh.

One evening, as we all sat around the table at the camp house, a bottle of 100 proof wild turkey in the table center, whose cork had been long thrown into the fire, a mouse came out from under the cook stove, circled the table as we all watched, then disappeared behind the cook stove.

The camp house, being an old barn had most anything stuck in the nooks and crannies, and I set out to find a mouse trap. No mouse trap, but I did find a leg hold trap of the kind used to trap 'coons. I baited the trap with 7 other guys telling me that I could not catch a mouse with such a trap, but I proceeded anyway.

I put the trap under the cook stove, and said "No need to secure the chain for such a little guy" to which several guys answered "No need 'cause you won't catch anything!"

It was about 2 minutes after we turned out the light and everyone got into their bunks, when we heard "Whap!" coming from the vicinity of the cook stove. "Ha! I said, I got him!"

"You got air" said someone from his bunk in the dark. There was silence for perhaps 20 seconds, then all hell broke loose when we heard the sound of the trap's chain being drug across the camp house floor.

"Turn on the lights!" came from several bunks in the dark. "Hell, I'm not putting my feet on the floor to turn on the lights." came from another bunk.

The light switch was reachable from my bunk without putting my feet on the floor, and when I switched it on, we all saw a very large wood rat dragging the trap. Three or 4 of us then used the wood rat for target practice with our pistols. One guy slept thru it all.

Slick

I was living in a shack in the woods. Slept on the floor. Every night for two months I got two mice in the traps. One night I heard the snap and used to it didn't crawl out of the sleeping bag. But then a lot of noise. Flicked on the light
and there was a big ass rat with the trap on his nose. Grabbed the .22 rifle and killed him. I still have a pix of that somewhere.
Rat hunting I guess.

I had strawberries groing in my back garden under nets to protect them from the flying dinosaurs, but some nearer the ground were getting munched, so I set a mouse trap with some cheese, that too was disappearing without setting the trap off, so I put slices of cucumber down to get those pesty slugs, and more cheese in the mouse trap. The following day the whole mousetrap had gone, I caught some more slugs, and if anybody finds my mousetrap, can I have it back, please?

Bernhard said:

The following day the whole mousetrap had gone, I caught some more slugs, and if anybody finds my mousetrap, can I have it back, please?

Click to expand...

Shudda secured the chain, Bern!

Slick