Engineer or Lawyer joke, or maybe both.

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"An engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels, although they still cannot watch Breaking Bad on AMC.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up?

The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."

"What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately."
The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
 
How do you tell if an engineer is an introvert or extrovert?

Ans: If he looks down at YOUR shoes, when he talks to you, he is an extrovert.

Slick
 
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I once discussed Employee Share Ownership Programmes with an accountant. He said 'If we did that, it would empower those engineers '.
 
In Australia, most of our companies are run by bean-counters who are experts in tax law. So effectively, we put the cart before the horse. To my mind, you work out what you want to do to make a profit, then fit it into the tax and other laws. You don't look at the tax and other laws and think about what you want to do to make a profit. The whole thing is about bean-counters and engineers. Personally, I don't think like an engineer - while it is great to be positive, that level of certainty is often not justified. When I retired from the DOD, I worked for an excellent engineering company as technical writer/quality manager. I got them through to ISO9000 quality certification. I later comprehensively developed the manual I wrote to cover the four major areas of operational risk, and sold it to several other companies while running my own business.
I had visited another engineering company which was across the road from the first, so I dropped in to my old company. While I was there, I showed the company accountant the risk management manual I had developed. He asked to copy the index and I let him. He disappeared out the back for longer than I expected. It later turned out that he got a job running a small engineering company, but on the morning of the day before he was due to start, he committed suicide. I feel that I might have handed him a loaded gun to play with.
 
I have always wanted to be an engineer.



It must be fun to blow that big air horn.
 
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