I'll try to start it.

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed Little Johnny nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides, and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

Little Johnny was wearing a firefighters helmet. The wagon was being pulled by his dog and a cat. The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

'That sure is a nice fire truck,' the firefighter said with admiration...

'Thanks,' Little Johnny replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. Little Johnny had tied the wagon to his dog's collar and to the cat's testicles..

'Little partner,' the firefighter said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.'

Little Johnny replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.

A blond was walking along the river. She looked over to the other side and saw another blond. So she yelled over,
" Hey, how do I get to the other side of the river?"
And the other blond replied,
"You are on the other side."

Dave
69S

those were great! how's this:


two friends are drinking rather heavily at a bar. One gets up to use the men's room, on his return, leaves his zipper undone, and his weenie hanging out. as he stumbles onto his seat, his friend looks over, and says "oh my god. you gotta shnake on your barschtool!" and he grabs a beer bottle off the bar, and slams the "snake" REAL hard. "AYEEE" the other friend screams... "hit him again, he just bit me"

BP said that they were not going to hire any more Cajuns to work on the Gulf of Mexico clean-up.

Boudreaux, Thibodeaux and Fontenot were told to clean all the Brown Pelicans they could...

So far Boudreaux has cleaned and gutted over 56 birds while Thibodeaux cooked the Rice and Fontenot made the Roux.

Unclviny (a Halfass)

I kept waiting to see the bike..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vvJbh-S3AY

Four friends were drinking at a bar after work when the topic came up as to what was the fastest thing in the world?

The first fellow said he thought that thinking was the fastest thing in the world, you think of something and it happens straight away!
They all nodded, yes thats fast.

The second fellow said he thought that blinking was faster, you blink and it's over before you even think about it!
They all nodded and agreed that blinking was faster that thought.

The third fellow said he thought that a light switch turning a light on was even faster!
They all agreed that a light switch was even faster than thinking, or blinking so it must be the fastest thing in the world.

The fourth fellow finished his beer,

I know something that's even faster. Vindaloo Curry !!!!

How can Vindaloo Curry be faster than Thought or Blinking or a Light switch ???

Well, the other night me and the missus went the the local Indian restaraunt for dinner. It was a great night, good food, good beer, we had a ball.
We got home late and a bit drunk and went to bed and fell asleep,
Then during the night I woke up, and before I could think, blink or turn the light on, I'd shit myself !

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital.

She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is Doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one around here tells me crap."

I’m sorry to report that there has been an increase in tragic deaths recently. Tuesday night, the California Raisins were murdered (the entire family). Santa Monica police suspect a cereal killer.

By the way, that reminds me: please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community…the Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John and Jane Dough (who has a bun in the oven) and is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects: Mrs. Butterworth, Dolly Madison, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy; lovingly described Doughboy as “a guy who never knew how much he was kneaded.” Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, and wasted most of his dough on half-baked schemes, according to close relatives. Still, despite being a little flaky at times, as a crusty old man the baking icon was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

I’ll keep you up on other news from back home as it arises…

A fancy dress party.

People are enjoying themselves and there's a knock at the door,
They open the door and there stands a fellow naked, and with a naked girl on his sholders.

What are you doing? This is a fancy dress party.

The fellow says that he knows and has come dressed as a Turtle.

Then why do you have a naked girl on your sholders?

This is Michelle.



(sorry)

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